UNFULFILLED- Nine- #####The Return

That evening Sohrab decided to save his sister no matter what. What ever it took, she needed to be rescued from her demented mind, and from the wicked husband whose father had found her in a hurry to get rid of her so he can have a peaceful second marriage, she needed saving. After what Neda had told him since yesterday about her short life with Mansour, even the very privet ones, his anger had reached a boiling point; it was beyond and above everything that he had known in his life. When they got home, the first thing he did was to let his father know how he really thought about him.

The two men, father and son, had a real fight and argument for the first time. They did not let anything untold. The women in the house all left the room. Neda cried her heart out. Mother kept saying that her life and her daughter's life were similar; something Neda did not want to hear then. It was only Sima, father's second wife, who stayed calm and tried to take care of Neda's emotional heart ache and physical need. She was finally able to take Neda to her girlhood's room which had remained untouched and put her in bed. Sima stayed in bed with her and allowed her to cry herself to sleep. That entire night, Sima slept with her in the same bed. Neda's mother never knew how to show real affection the way Sima was showing to Neda at this horrible moment. A friendship began and emerged that evening.

In the morning, Neda opened her eyes in the crack of dawn to find that Sima was still there next to her. She did not move. She did not want to wake her up. Sima, father's second wife was the reason that her father practically had gotten rid of her, had given her into a disastrous marriage. Now, she had done more for her in one night than her own mother could have done. Neda moved closer to Sima until she was near enough to put her arm around Sima's neck and to rest her head on her shoulder. She lay this way completely still for a moment. Sima woke up but she did not move. She could feel Neda's trembling. The shaking of this unfortunate girl expressed everything that she was not able to say. However Sima said in her speaking mind: "It is because of me that her life is ruined."

Neda got up gently from bed so as not to disturb Sima. She sat again on the bed, hanging her legs on the narrow space between the bed and the window and looked at the yard, at the bench under the great cherry tree. Because of the cold weather of Tehran, the tree had lost all its leaves. She looked at the bench eagerly and recalled the night of her wedding when she had sat there with her gown on, hugging her knees and crying. How did she know then that she had made a mistake? She recalled her brother, Mansour and Maryan, her cousin. Suddenly she felt a cold rush of tremor in her body. She had made sure yesterday when Sohrab had packed her clothes in the garbage bags, not to forget her grandma's shawl. She wrapped the shawl around herself. Sima had made sure the night before to unpack her garbage bags of clothes and to put the shawl on the iron, gold color stand at the top of the bed.Only Seven months had passed from that event. Now she was back to her real house, to her real home, but she was not real anymore. She was a different person. She was soon to be a divorced woman while being pregnant and sick. "What will all the family, who were in the wedding say?" She answered her own question: "I really don't care!" How seven short months had changed her life? She had married at the end of April, just two days after she had finished school; and now almost the end of October, she was back home, her home.

When she turned around to pick up her shawl, she had seen Sima sitting in bed. She looked tired like someone that had gone through a horrible hardship.

"Oh, I'm sorry that I woke you up!" Neda said.

"No sweet heart, you didn't. I had a hard time to sleep. I didn't want to leave you alone last night. You know Jalal and Sohrab's fighting and ..."

"I've noticed. I've never imagined you'll be so nice. Forgive me for not giving you the chance." Neda moved around to be face to face and close to Sima.

"I'm the one that needs forgiveness. it's because of me that you're in this situation." Sima spoke honestly.

"What do you mean?" Neda asked her step mother with surprise.

"Never mind that!"

"Oh, come on Sima. Now that you made me curious, you must tell me."

"Do you promise that you don't tell anyone?"

Neda drew a sign of promise on her heart and said that she would never say a word to anyone.

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Nine- {<>}{<>}The Return

The words that came out of Neda's mouth were not normal; they sounded erratic. Sohrab took her again into his arms and they both cried. They drank more. Time was passing by and they were not even aware of it. Their talks now were more drunken chatter than anything else. They finished the wine. They talked, cried, and talked more.

They both felt hungry. Sohrab found a few eggs in the refrigerator. There was nothing else there. He boiled them; and made two sandwiches with some old, stale bread. Neda ate hers and did not vomit almost for the first time. They sat on the sofa, each on one side of it, unaware that morning had changed to noon, afternoon, evening and now night. They talked some more without putting the lights on, and finally they both fell asleep. The telephone rang a few times but they both were drunk and drawn. They needed that drunken sleep. Sohrab woke up in the middle of the night. It was three in the morning. He brought a blanket from the bedroom, raised her sister's legs and put them on the sofa and covered her with blanket. She said something inaudible. He did not pay attention. He went to the bedroom. He searched the bedroom for a suitcase, but there was none. The only suitcase they had was taken by Mansour. Sohrab went through his sister's clothes and picked up enough of everything and put them on the bed. Then he went to the kitchen and brought a few garbage bags and filled them up with Neda's things. She had come to this apartment with so much fan fair; she was leaving with a few garbage bags. Sohrab thought.

No one had ever taken care of her this way. When she woke up at six in the morning, she saw that her brother had made tea on the kettle for both of them. She saw four full garbage bags in the corner of the living room. For a moment the events of yesterday and last night were hazy, but slowly they all came to her focus.

"What is going on Sohrab?"

"I'm taking you home!"

"No, no, I don't want to..."

"Yes, Neda, you have no choice. I promise that I save all of us on time when the baby is born. But for now, you have no choice; I have no choice."

Neda shook her head which both was for agreement and disagreement. They had their tea. Sohrab loaded his car and they left. He stopped in front of a cafe that served breakfast. They went inside. Neda had toast and jam and some Persian cheese with Barbary bread. Sohrab had a little more than her. Again, for the second time in the row, she did not get sick after eating. Sohrab called his father at home from that cafe. He knew they were worried that he had left work yesterday morning and had not gone home even for the night. He briefly told his father the story; but he also told him that they were not ready to come home yet. No matter how much father insisted to know the reason, he repeated:

"I just want to spend some time alone with her before bringing her back home."

"Does it mean that you're not coming to work today?'

Sohrab's anger got to the point that he knew if his father was in front of him, he would perhaps hit him.

"You destroyed your daughter's life. She is sick and lonely. Her husband, your friend and choice for her, has left her, and you're asking me that I'm not going to work! What kind of father are you?"

He hanged up the phone with so much outrage that almost everyone in the cafe noticed it.

Neda did not ask him how the conversation with father was. She already could see it in his eyes. The first thing Sohrab did, drove to school, where Mansour worked. He wanted to see himself what his sister had seen for the last couple of weeks. That day Mansour and Mitra had decided to walk to school instead of driving. Sohrab and Neda could see them walking while holding hands. Neda had to stop her brother's rage and his intention of getting out of the car and confronting Mansour. They sat in the car without speaking until the lovers went inside the school.

The rest of the day, they took turn to calm the other. They had lunch in a restaurant. For the first time Neda had a real good appetite and ate Shish Kabob and rice. Again she did not throw out.

They laughed, reminisced, even cried, drove here and there until evening.

"It's time to go home, little sis!"

"I know. I had the best day of my life with you. I wish a day comes that we can live on our own, you and me, not with our parents." Neda spoke as she thought.

"I do, too, little sis."

They finally went home.

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Nine-<><><>The Return

"Come on Sohrab, you came here to help me, to save me, to give me comfort. I am okay now and you're furious and distraught!"

"Oh, little sis, the world doesn't matter to me anymore!"

"Stop it Sohrab. It does matter a great deal." At this point Neda forced her brother to sit and went to the kitchen and brought him a glass of water.

She had lost everything; she did not know things would get this horrible, her future was unknown, she was pregnant; but she had everything that Sohrab needed at that moment. She had or thought to have strength, which her brother did not. She, herself, was surprised how she was able to control her emotions which only a few hours ago were about to kill her!

"What are you going to do?" He finally asked.

"I don't know, I don't know how to get a divorce. Doctor said that the baby would be here in January. I don't know what to do with the baby! Now it's October. I don't want this baby! I don't know! No one ever told me anything. Mother never taught me how to stop from getting pregnant. Father threw a big wedding for me, even bought me everything and paid six months rent ahead of time. What do you think? Do all these things sound to you that they wanted to get rid of me. Now I have to come back. I don't want to, but would they let me to live by myself? I don't know Sohrab. I want to die. No one wants me..."

Sohrab had to cut her sister off. He thought she could talk to eternity about things that were all true.

"We must talk to father. We have no choice." He mumbled while holding Neda in his arms.

"I know we must. He threw me out, his precious daughter, her guileless daughter; now he's going to get me back impure and pregnant. Let's drink some wine and celebrate my impurity!"

"What! I didn't know you drink!" Sohrab was shocked.

Neda began crying:

"That is how he got me pregnant. He gave me wine; he got me drunk every night and then assaulted me." As she was saying this, she got up and brought an open bottle of wine and two regular glasses. The bottle was almost full.

Sohrab poured two glasses and they both began drinking. It was elven in the morning.

"Are you afraid little sis?"

"Yes, very much, yet I'm not." She whispered. And then she continued:

"But I am happy now. I know you love me. I know with all their short comings, my family loves me! I wonder would I always be happy?'

Sohrab reflected for a moment. He was also calm now.

"Why do women use the word "always". It's a scary word. Nothing is for 'always'!"

Neda nodded her head; drank almost half a glass of wine in one breath.

"You can't stay here alone. Look at you; you're all skin and bones. You're drinking which is not good for you; and you're not eating! Look what he's done to you!" He said after a moment of reflection. He also finished his first glass in one breath.

"Why can't I? I've been living alone here for over a month now; that is when he left me and never returned. I know everything. He has found some one else, much better than me! But I want to stay here. It's my apartment."

"Don't be a child now. So that is why he left you, because he's found a girlfriend...Look at you. Some one must take care of you. You look like dead!" He said what he did not want to say. Meanwhile he lit a cigarette.

"Can I have one?"

"So you smoke, too!"

"Sometimes, yes, I do. I'm going to get better. I know it. When I can eat, if I can stop my mind of playing games!" Neda took long and deep puffs from her cigarette.

"What do you mean by your mind playing games?"

"I don't know; but I sense... I believe my mind tells me that I don't live much longer; it tells me I'll be gone. I hear it says that I never existed. It is cruel, isn't it?" She almost finished her cigarette so fast as though she did not have time to do it slower.

Sohrab understood now that his sister needed to be saved...

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Nine- [=][=]The Return

Neda gathered all her energy and said:

"You talk in a way as though you're burying me or saying good bye for ever!"

He smiled; but no, he was not smiling.

"I think so. I think it's the last time we see each other." He said what was in his mind unexpectedly. What he said out loud, was what he contemplating silently! But Neda heard it.

He touched her face with both hands.

"You're crying!"

She did not answer. She felt a lost love for him; perhaps hidden somewhere in the layers of her conscious; somewhere that she was not aware of it. In the midst of his contempt, his indifferent attitude, his hatred, she suddenly found that mysterious love; but it was not a type of love that a man and woman needed to live with each other. It was a sympathizing love. For the first time she knew that she was as guilty as he was. However she kept the memory of his last words to her "you're crying" through the night and after that for a long time.

In the morning she knew it was all over. What she did not know, in fact nobody knew at the moment, was that with her father's involvement, she would have a nasty divorce ahead of her. She wanted a peaceful and friendly one!

The first person in her family she talked to was her brother, Sohrab. She called her father's office where her brother worked. He answered the phone himself.

"Sohrab, come and see me after work!"

"What is going on, little sis?'

"I tell you when I see you!"

He knew that things at his sister's home were not right. He had not seen Mansour at least for a month. His sister avoided them. She used different excuses each time they asked her about Mansour's whereabouts or why she was not going to their house! His intuition from the beginning of this marriage had warned him of a disaster that his sister would face. He had tried to talk to their father, but the old man always changed the subject, as though he knew that he would be blamed for his daughter's untimely marriage in the final analysis. What Sohrab had predicted, now seemed to be upon them only after several months of marriage.

Sohrab did not wait till afternoon to get off work. He left right away and went directly to his sister's apartment. When Neda opened the door, what he saw was shocking. She looked more like dead than alive. His anger flashed through his eyes; on the other hand, his love for his sister extinguished the blaze. At first Neda thought that he would kill Mansour. She was the one in need of help, but at the moment she had to calm her brother. She needed someone to sooth her, to empathize with her, to ease her sorrow; but it was the grief of her brother that needed to be alleviated. Now she was struggling to save her brother from his fury and heartbreak through her own rage and anguish. The force she found to do this made her speechless; and the condition of not being able to speak made her extremely agitated. She did not cry, as though something inside her seized her of showing any emotion. Her face turned so pale that it had the color of death; her whole body shook. All she could do to make the atmosphere a little brighter, was to put her helpless hand over the hand of her brother.

"It is over! It had never had to happen!" She said with despair.

She, who always thought men were master of their emotions and could not cry easily, yet could show their outrage as effortlessly as they began their happiness, was surprised to see her brother in that state of mind. While he was crying, she told him what she thought. He said through the hiccup of his tears and anger:

"I don't want to be the slave of my emotions. But here we are talking about your life. He ruined you. You're not even seventeen yet, and would be a divorced, pregnant woman. How do you want me to control my anger, my tears? I just can't take it...can't take it..."

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Nine- `~`~ The Return

Rain began falling down like a sheet of water. Her living room looked dark and gloomy like her heart. She sat on a chair by the dinning table without putting the lights on. There was a bucket of ice cream on the table from many hours before. the ice cream was all melted and had leaked on the table. After her mother's phone call, she vomited everything she had eaten that day. She did not know how to go one, how to carry this baby for another four months, how to endure this life, how to study, how to write poems! She did not know where her dreams had gone, disappeared.

Her body was changing slowly. Although she had lost weight instead of gaining, she felt that her clothes at the stomach part were getting tight on her. This morning she had looked at her naked body in the bathroom mirror. Her arms, legs, and face were thin and skinny. She had blue marks and rings under her eyes. She contributed those to her extensive crying, to vomiting everything she ate, and to not sleeping. She was all skin and bones. She looked old for a sixteen years old, looked out of shape, and ugly. Right there, in the middle of her body, it was her stomach which was rising like a fire ant mount. How did she fall into this trap? Why didn't her mother tell her anything about how to prevent pregnancy! Was her mother's unhappiness so grand that she had forgotten to give some advice to her daughter? Couldn't she tell her about birth control pills? Couldn't her aunt Zari advise her before she went as a girl to her new house and now was a pregnant woman and all alone? She did not know! She had no knowledge of married life and the intimate relation between a man and woman before the very first night when Mansour took her. She had not known what the life of a man and woman together before the very first night; and no one had told her a thing.

As she was dozing in the dark with her head on the table, and listening to the pouring rain outside, she heard a knock on the door. Startled, she got up and went to the door and opened it. It was Mansour at last. So he had decided to come.

"You have key, don't you?" That was the first thing came to her mouth.

"I don't live here anymore. I threw out my key. You come to school today. What do you want?"

So he had come to have his last fight; but that was not the way she wanted to end.

"I don't want to fight. I want to talk."

"You had nothing to tell me before!" He said that without any obvious feeling. "I was planning to call your father tomorrow."

She went to the window, pulled the drapes back and looked at the gloomy sky. Rain had stopped; but the melancholy had stayed.

"Why are you sitting in the dark? let me put the light on."

"No, no..." She almost became frantic.

As she said no, no, a vigorous lightening brightened the room. She suddenly saw him standing next to her. That sudden illumination seemed to be the horror both felt; the hopeless love that they both had thought they could find in each other. Neda walked away from window automatically. It was dark again; but she knew that he followed her. Right before she would sit so she would not fall for her extreme trembling and weakness, he seized her. His hands, she felt, had involuntary muscular contraction. She stood, he supporting her, also stood. He kept holding her hand. They both looked outside into the storm of the nature so they would avoid the storm within themselves. A thunder shook the room. Rain started again. It kept pounding the roof and windows with its fearful sound. He turned his face towards her and finally said:

"I guess this is it!"

To Be continued