Odyssey...~~13- Abyss

Hana sneaked out of home so she did not have to answer her crying mom. How could she possibly tell her mother about her excruciating intuition? In Amir's home, Hana made Jila understand that she was not breaking her engagement with Hamid; and to her repeated curious quesios, she said:

"It's about my brother!" Suprisingly, she found out that Jila did not know anything about it. Hana, for the first time believed Amir when he had told her not to talk to anyone. He had not even told his wife. Jila'a repeated questions left Hana no choice but to say:

"I can not tell you. After I see your husband, if he wants, he can tell you."

Jila frowned and left the room. Ten minutes later Amir and Hamid came and when they saw Hana there, their entire aura showed an unpleasntness that could not be hidden from her.

"What are you doing here?" Hamid asked her.

"Your sudden departure from my home made me suspicious. What's going on? If you know something, I want to know." She demanded.

Amir left the room, and took Jila, who was listening to the discover the mystery, with him. Hamid paced the room. Hana, with burning eyes, dry mouth, and throbbing heart was waiting for an answer; but Hamid would not talk. When Amir returned to the room, Hana walked to him and grabbed his hand.

"Tell me what's going on."

Amir look at Hamid and Hamid turned away and walked towards the window. Hana let Amir's hand go; and in a stage of a mental collapse, leaned on the wall. There was no need for words to let her know the tragedy. Her brother was one on the twenties.

Hana disagreed with Hamid and Amir's suggestion for not telling her mother. Jila, now that somewhat knew the story, was trying so hard to comfort Hana; but she did not want comfort. As usual she had to take the logistical matters in her hand.

"I must tell my mom. Do you want her to live in a vain hope for the rest of her life that one day Van will enter the house? Isn't that worse than the bad news?"

"Who is going to tell her?" Hamid asked.'

"Who else! It's my job to tell her. I am the only one can tell her. I must..." Her voice was barely audible before she collapsed on the floor.

Everybody running around her and trying to help her. She finally let the tears flow. Her cry seemed more like someone with cold than real cry. Amir asked his wife to bring a cup of coffee for her. Holding the cup in her shaky hands, she spilled most of it on the floor. Hamid took the cup from her and held her. She at last burst into a loud cry.

"Why? Why? Oh, God, why?"

After her hysterical frenzy was faded away to replace to a silent depression, Hamid offered to take her home. She unexpectedly resisted Hamid's hand and pushed him away.

"No, I am not leaving now. I want Van't body." Her demand seemed unreasonable.

"They never give the bodies to the families. They never even tell the families that have executed their loved ones. You know they don't want to advertise what they do!" Amir said ardently.

"I don't care. I want his body. I don't want those murderers to bury him in a mass grave as I've heard."

"Let me see what I can do. This is never been done. But I'm going to try. I promise you to the life of my only child that I do what I can possibly do to get his body." Amir said softly and genuinely.

Hana finally dropped her defense and let Hamid to take her home.

With Amir and Hana's minister's cousin's help and some bribe that came from Uncle Nabi, two days later, they received Van's perforated body in an unknown morgue. Gol, being in the hospital for nervous breakdown, could not be there; and Hana taking charge again, identified her brother's white body. He looked so dead as though he never existed. After a year and half separation, Hana was able to tell Van how much she missed him. He rested there lifeless with no blood left in his veins; while his chest and neck were all torn. Hana rejected uncle Nabi's offer to leave the room; and stood there as inanimate as her brother without any tears. Van was buried privately and secretly as Savak had ordered. Gol, still in hospital, was fighting her spiritless body and becoming closer to insanity, could not attend the burial.

"I am thoughtful when night warns storm and rain.

And it is night, where dead are in pain.

Should morning life peaks from mountain bed!

Should morning covers its face of this storm's dread!"

One thing Hana got to do before putting the shattered pieces of their lives back together, and that was to pay a visit to Reza, her vicious uncle, who had betrayed her brother. She did not speak to anyone about her plan. The morning after the burial, at six in the morning, she knocked Reza and Asad's apartment. When Asad opened the door and saw his niece after so many months, he instinctively knew the calamitous news. Hana did not look like a teenager who used to stay in her room with all her books anymore. She was a lamented woman looking older than her age. They looked at each other for awhile without speaking; and spontaneously at the same time, they opened their arms for a hug. Asad, a young man, a little older than Hana, a brother to her father, stood there, not being able to invite her in. The disastrous mishap was an unbelievable tragedy to accept. She finally entered the apartment.

"Where is Reza?"

"He is asleep." He pointed to a closed door.

Hana opened the door. Reza aware of everything, was not asleep. He looked at her and a sudden terror haunted him.

"Van is dead." She said while burning with desire to kill her uncle. "You're alive,"

Reza bent his head. He did not dare to look at her. Denial seemed stupid.

"I am sorry more than you can imagine." He finally said.

"I know; and I wish you stay sorry for the rest of your life. I can't forgive you. Can you forgive yourself?" And she left.

Hana, feeling lonely and overwhelmed with more responsibilities, did not delay the wedding. She could use a shoulder to lean on, a hand for help, and warm body for comfort.

To Be Continued

Odyssey...<> 13- Abyss

The day of Farshid's freedom was not certain; therefore after he agreed to take Van's letter out, Van wrote his letter on the toilet paper with a pen Farshid had stolen. After finising the letter, in a safe moment, he placed the letter out through the iron bars and his friend picked it up. Farshid memorized Van's home phone number and gave the piece of steel to his friend. The day of freedom for Farshid came three days later after he agreed to take Van's letter out. While the two boys had said goodbyes many time, Farshid knew he would never hear Van's voice again. When the guard came to accompany Farshid to freedom, he acted sick. His sneezing and coughing sounded very normal while he had a bunch of toilet paper in his hand to wipe his nose. Van's letter was squashed among them. He felt so little on his own clothes for he had lost so much weight since his capture. After they blindfolded him, in the back seat of the car, he continued sneezing and coughing; and never let go of the crushed toilet paper. When they dropped him up the street, where he lived, he was still sneezing.

Walking home with unsteady steps, a sentence echoed in his mind: "We'll execute twenty of these damn communist next week. You better keep your mouth shut if you want to stay free. We'll be watching you." That was the last thing he was told before they dropped him off the car.

Being fearful, he waited one week and finally decided to call Van's mother. Being afraid to call from his home, that night in a welcome party in his sister's home, twenty kilometers away from his house, after dinner, he left the house and walked to a pay phone in the square close by and made the call. He could feel the pain of Van's mother when they talked, and he even was ashamed that he was not allowed to tell her anything about her son. All he said to Gol was about Van's letter. How could he tell the crying mother that twenty of those political prisoners had already been executed, or would be soon?! To respond to Gol's unclear questions, he repeatedly gave her hope. While he was terrified to meet Van's mother, for she would certainly be anxious and upset, and most definitely would ask him many questions which he was not allowed to answer, he did not know how to get the letter to her. That thought left him no choice but to involve his brother-in-law. He promised that his sister's husband would give the letter to her in two hours in the bus station in P. square; a place far from his home, Van's home, and his sister's home.

Gol and Hana met Farshid's brother-in-law in the bus station. No words were exchanged. He left the crushed toilet paper on the bench and disappeared. Hana immediately picked it up and put in in her purse.

By morning the words of the letter were read many times by mother and daughter, The solitary widow stared at her son's hand writing that had changed tremendously, and repeated the words on the letter all day. Hana missed work and college that day just to watch her mother; while she had this strong conviction that the real disaster would be ahead. They had no way to contact Farshid since he had left them no number or address. Hamid visited them that day when he heard about the letter. He called his uncle. In a couple of hours, Amir, Hamid's uncle came to their house to face the crying mother and children. He did not have the heart to tell them that twenty of the prisoners were executed yesterday. Hoping that van was not among them, Amir told Hamid of what he knew. He also told him that he could get the list of those twenty from his friend.

Their sudden departure made Hana and Gol suspicious, but even to Hana's repeated questions in the alley, Hamid shook his head and ignored her.

Hana instinctively knew something had to be wrong. Hamid and his uncle's behavior did not sound right. How could she find out? An hour later, secretly she called Amir's house and talked to his wife. He was not home. His wife said that she was expecting him any minute. Hana asked their address and without answering her questions, said:

"I am coming there."

"What is wrong?" Jila, Amir's wife asked, but the phone was dead.

To Be Continued

Odyssey...// 13- Abyss

~

"I am writing to you mom without knowing if you ever get this letter. So I was stupid. I didn't listen to Hana and uncle Behroz. They knew about it. They confronted me. But I was so angry at life that their worriment made me even more serious to do what I was doing. I just couldn't understand why dad had to die and leave us alone. I hope Boby doesn't make my mistake and learn this sickening thing from me. But mom, I swear to your life that I haven't done anything. The big guys who were lecturing us, are all free; and we are here. I've done a lot of thinking here. That's all I can do. I know it is not worth it. If I ever come out of here, I leave this hell of the country. I just can't tell you what I've learned here. How people come and the next day they all are gone, dead. There is no sense for me to hide anything from you at this point and after one year and half. There is this rumor going around that they're sending some of us to the prisons in other cities and ... I can't just tell you what else. When they arrested me, I was told that Reza betrayed me. I don't know if it is true or not; but somehow I know it is. I remember after dad's death when Hana told them that they needed to leave our house and make a living for themselves; Reza's response to her was, I show you. How did they know his name and his relationship to me.

"Oh, mom, I am sorry, very sorry. I love you. Forgive me for this pain that I caused you. Try to concentrate on my sisters and brother. Hana is a jewel. I always hated her because she is so smart; but when I saw how she handled everything after dad's death, I was ashamed of myself. When she and uncle Behroz followed me every night and she asked me to give up those meetings, I was mad at her; but now I wish I had listened to her. Mom, I don't know how Farshid, my friend, is going to take my letter out, but if you ever get it, please don't be sad. Your sadness is my misery and agony. I love you very much. I don't think I've ever told you; now is the time to tell you.

"Your son, Van"

Dallas-

In the loathsome ambiguity between belief and despair, in the conscious burying herself alive in grief for all those years, in the diligent perception of helplessness for her stand of all unsatisfied desires that have turned inwards, in the heat of uncertainly, regrets follow these feelings. Should she seek knowledge from elders, wiser, and the people who had influence with government, like her minister cousin, things might had been different. Hana suffers a delusion that brings her to a stage of feeling guilty. She, who had learned to hide many things, never spoke a word to anyone of what she had known about Van before his capture. Wouldn't things be different if she consulted uncle Nabi or her distant minister cousin? For years she has gotten to the habit of torturing herself for never saying a loving word to her dad before his death, feeling guilty for Saeid's suicide, and for Van's...

Tehran-

To Be continued

Odyssey... ~~13- Abyss

In the solitary cell, not knowing about anything about outside world, his family, his guilt, and the outcome of his capture for the last one and half years, Van did one thing that no one could take away form him or find out about it- thinking. At age eighteen, he had seen many unpleasant miseries. The gray tufts of hair were changing his appearance. The only time he could hear or see a human was when the twice a day meals were brought to him. Breakfast was always a small piece of hard, not chewable bread with a small piece of cheese, and nothing to drink to wash out the taste of that horrible thing, and the second meal was served in the afternoon; and it was a thin, watery soup with potato and rice in it. He, who at the beginning had refused food, soon accepted those unsavory food to retain his energy for the time of the freedom. However, as more time passed, he completely lost hope. The only thing that gave that unpredictable life a little light was knowing that there were other cells connected to his, in that prison with people in captivity, like him. Without ever seeing the other prisoners, or talking to one another, or knowing names, and ages; all those prisoners made a bond that was beyond speaking, hearing, or knowing. Just breathing the same morbid air, eating the same revolting food, and smelling the same stench brought them close while they all shared the same longing.

All prisoners were called "Antigovernment", or according to Savak's agents, "Communists". Those young boys and girls missed their homes, mothers, comfortable beds, and healthy food. For most of them being in a wrong place at a wrong time had cost the abyss of imprisonment; while the real anti government brains were drinking imported liquor and discussing the theories of Carl Marx and Friedrich Nietzhe in their luxurious mansions. They called these young prisoners, the foot soldier of something very important and essential for their country.

The seventeen years old Farshid occupied the cell next to Van. His capture by Savak was a true joke. He was just a bystander the day that Savak's agents had rushed to the suspicious house. In the heat of that moment with a lot of ambiguity, he was arrested,too. He, being curious to know what was going on in that house, had stopped to watch; and that had been the end of his freedom. A school boy, who had no knowledge of politics; and was only interested in flying kites, was now prisoners for the last one and half years.

All the cells were located on one side of the long hallway; therefore, prisoners could see only a wall through the iron bars of their cells. Not having any view, they did not know when a guard was close by. Learning about some cases when the prisoners had talked with each other, frightened them to speak a word to their fellow prisoners. They had noticed that sometimes the guards walked without their shoes so the prisoners could not hear their approach.

To Be Continued