Odyssey... {}{} 6- The End of Beginning

Back in the terminal, she searched with her eyes for Seied's family, but none of them was there. She could have him all for herself until they would go their separate way home. The far distance from the airport to their homes would give them enough time to talk, or perhaps even hold hands, and feel the rapture of being together.

When microphone announced his flight landed, a sharp, bitter cold quivered her all over. She hid behind a large column and gazed at the gate Saeid would exit soon. Feeling that he would be the first, she saw the captain and fly attendants arrived first into the terminal. "What will he do when he sees me?" Do we hug or shake hands?" The noise of the crowd was an absolute silence in her ears. Staring at the long tunnel, passengers were existing, she finally recognized him. He was surround by fog and smoke. They circled him like a round chain which separated him from others. Shocked and confused, she looked at the circle of smoke which was fading away slowly as he was getting closer and closer to enter the terminal. Then she saw blood dripping from Saeid's face to floor.

Sitting on her bed all sweaty, horrified, and trembling, she knew her nightmare had told her more than what she wanted to know. Everything was over. She buried her face with her hands, breathing heavily, and cried. As her loud crying subsided and became a gentle weeping, she got up from bed to hurry up and write a poem which was taking over her soul before she would forget it. This was how she saw him in the last moment of his life

"When morning opens to sun its face,

The rosy waves wear a lace;

Made of pure gold and glee-

Over the roaring and silent sea.

The morning, at the time, wet and cold.

The white jasmine beneath dew is old.

The breeze from the sea in height,

Washes his body with delight.

The breather of the azure island

Thinks about sea and land.

In that moment, alone and apart,

Empty of tumult in heart,

He takes a glance towards sun;

Shakes his body with fun;

Looks at tenuous colors of ray;

Sinks into deep water with gay.

Despite every one's prediction,

Whether or not they knew the fiction,

He remains in love, but raves.

He sleeps in the bottom of waves."

To Be Continued

Odyssey... ~~ 6- The End of Beginning

Dallas-

Even now after so many years, Saeid's fierce and dynamic eyes are piecing Hana through. She, who was relived of many things, can not forget those penetrating eyes. How young, handsome, intelligent, yet how sensitive and fragile he was! She remembers him when he fired up in discussion. She always thought he could make a good and natural teacher. The tender passage of their love has stayed Hana's secret; and except Behroz, nobody ever knew about it. This one, she always keeps next to her heart and will take it with her to grave.

Here in America, many people may laugh for the cause of this great tragedy; but what it means incomprehensive here was a normal way of life there. She thinks of the harsh way that land with its great history, which changed after Arabs takeover, who brought with them the harshest system of governing, had destroyed many others she loved. The suppressive way of custom and culture, practically had smothered many who wanted to rise above it, which it had left them not many choices. The narrow opinion were either to give in or to get out, or join the opposition parties and go against government, as Hana's brother van would do. Committing suicide had not been a common choice, nevertheless, when combining intelligence and sensitivity, the mixture would be sometimes a walking bomb- a bomb which would would be explode or explode itself. Remembering those tragic days, when she was not able even to mourn, takes her back to that deplorable discovery.

Tehran-

The long, ambiguous waiting, not knowing the future, and the excitement of being in love were so overwhelming for Hana that she did not remember the old Hana, who never wanted to get married, or have a relationship. She was always afraid of love between men and women. To her, those words were her parents' lives- hardworking, taking care of children and others, and misery. Nonetheless, all those mixed emotions did not stop her of thinking about next week when Saeid would return. Counting minutes for his reappearance, she was fighting with her uproarious soul to settle down. To answer the questions she often asked herself, she deeply inundated with a desperate sorrow. All nights and every night came to mornings of sleeplessness and puffy eyes; while the furrow between her eyebrows deepened even more. Long, boring days, alone in her closet- like room, brought her many thoughts of different events which marched in her mind. It seemed that she could not concentrate on anything but Saeid.

The night before Saeid's arrival, Hana thought only about tomorrow, a day of reckoning, a day that her destiny would be made, a day that she would either fall in Saeid's arms or would run away from him. She dueled with all her mixed emotions, as her dominating feeling wanted to be a young, attractive, vibrant woman, who seductively would dress to go to the airport to see her boyfriend and would make him to fall even more in love with her; and the weaker part of her wanted to stay home and hear the news of his arrival from Behroz. Tossing and turning in bed, she was convinced that she would go and she would dress enticingly and she would try to make him to fall more in love with her- that unforgiving love. Then she thought what would she wear to have that quality! All her clothes were extra conservative, and they made her look like grandma. They were just too lifeless with no character. She got up from bed and put the light on and began her search amongst her clothes which were hanging on a metal rack her mother had put in there, since she did not have a closet, and since her room, in fact, was a closet. She searched to find something decent that had a small touch of enticement in it. All her dresses that she loved before, now seemed to her boring, out of style, color, and allurement. The unsuccessful search took a long time. She even tried to mix and match something; however, she went back to bed disappointed and decided not to worry about it. "Saeid loves me for my mind and what he has seen in me not my clothes."

In the morning, after, all, she was herself, natural. She chose a dress with her eyes closed. It happened to be a yellow color dress, her favorite color, with jewel neck, short sleeves, full skirt, and a self made belt. She left home before everyone woke up. She did not want to answer the rain of questions would come her way. In the taxi, she looked at the familiar streets which now looked strange to her; while picturing and practicing the scene of their visit at the airport. He would probably be surprised to see her. He would perhaps feel good about it since her presence there would mean a positive sign. He would possibly think that Behroz had smoothed the path. Suddenly a thought made her to shiver. "What if his parents are there, too! Oh, I want that moment only for me." She frowned slightly. "I hide so his parents wouldn't be able to see me."

At the airport she looked at her watch. She did not know what to do in two hours before his plane would land. Looking at sad and happy faces of people who were leaving or arriving, separating or reuniting brought her a frivolity that she did not know any cure for it. The ambiance of sorrow, laughter, running children, wandering adults, and morning sun rays were beyond her apprehension. Drowning in her thoughts, she was not sure if she would stay or leave, she would face Saied or forget about all these and would tackle her goals. Sitting on a chair next to the big window, she felt the warmth of morning sun inside her body and a numbness ran in her that she was not familiar with its sensation. Closing her eyes, she felt that ecstasy inside her. It was a new, unknown tingling which took her to a room with large windows and red curtains. A queen size bed in the middle was covered with pink satin sheets which shined like glass. There, she was naked next to Saeid, who was kissing her lips. How expert he was. His kiss was deep and unforgivable. His hands searched all over her body as gently as he could do it. He was the first man who had ever touched her; and she found herself reciprocating. It was a fight without violence, a great commotion. Suddenly she mischievously dropped her defense and by doing that she made it possible for him to take away what she had learned to treasure the most, her virginity. Her shield was demolished by the irresistible curiosity to know what love making was all about and how it affected people. A restless fluid combined with blood was coming out of her while she was staring at their naked bodies. He peacefully and gently kissing her all over so she would not break like a glass. Quivering of that new, blissful experience, she opened her eyes and found herself in the airport terminal. An unbecoming pleasure made her to go to the rest room, and there she saw her wet under clothes for the thrill she had had in her dream. In front of the mirror, she noticed her red, feverish eyes; and then she knew why couples were staying together.

To Be Continued

Odyssey... 6- The End Of Beginning

Kerman-

Waiting days to reach a fatigued love that seemed like a shadow of far bliss was more than Saeid's endurance. His days of practicing to become a sufficient soldier and nights of sleepless solitude were not absolute clarity to him. Ironically, what gave him a faded gleam of hope, instinctively, was not his future goals but it was Behroz's promising letter. A day off for other soldiers meant going to town from base, getting drunk, and perhaps even ending up with a prostitute before returning. For him a day off meant staying in barrack and pondering over his plans and problems. Reading books, once had been his best joy of life, seemed far from his poor concentration.

~~

It was a colorful autumn day when Behroz for the first time introduced him to his niece, Hana. She was only ten then; and her petite body made her look even younger than her age. They were in the big garden of Behroz's parents. Many children, he assumed belonged to neighbors, were playing or climbing trees. But Hana was sitting on a rocking chair on the balcony of the second floor that face the garden with a book in her hand. How old she looked at that first sight being so young! He was amazed and perplexed by her behavior. Why didn't she play with other children? She was all alone, far from everyone, on her rocking chair, and in the world of book she was reading. Before their game of soccer, he asked Behroz about Hana:

"Is your niece okay? How come she doesn't play with other kids?"

Behroz, smiling, shook his head. "She's been like this as long as I remember. She doesn't care for anything but reading books."

That memory was imprinted in Saeid's mind as his first impression. A tiny girl that did not care for anything but the fascinating world of books.

None of Behroz's family ever befriended his family. They had always looked down to them. Those bourgeois landlords owned many properties and most of that town's buildings belonged to Behroz's family.

Inside, where the blinds were drawn, in the darkness of the night, lying on his bunk, he remembered Behroz's father. He was the nicest in that family- a humble, considerate man. However, it was not him that ran the family's business but it was Behroz's older brother, Nabi, the brain of the family, who was in charge of everything. He thought Nabi was a cruel businessman, who had no mercy for the tenants and neighbors. He, who had become the keeper of the family's earnings, walked on dusty streets with his head up, chest blown, while having a light canvas shoes on, and had his hand locked in his back. When he passed, shopkeepers bowed of fear not respect. People, behind his back, called him, the king of parish. He knew about it and did not mind it and in fact liked it. Saeid recalled that even Behroz did not care much for his brother. Ironically, the power he had was earned through the weakness of others and his own ability to be a leader. His own family even feared and obeyed him.

The thought of Behroz's brother and his influence over the family, especially his sister, Hana's mother, frightened Saeid. Humiliation and rejection which had been the attitude of such family made Saeid to think more about going back home to try again with Hana.

As many families with young daughters or sons, Saeid's mother wanted him to marry her old friend's daughter. She had talked about that heavenly marriage so much that everyone believed that they would marry soon. Maryam was a nice and simple girl he could marry and have children with. A girl that did not expect much and had learned that the only duty of a wife was to be faithful and obedient, to bear children, and to endure whatever misery came her way. Hana would be a challenge- an intelligent, self educated young woman who would argue and disagree, and would have an opinion. He could marry Maryam to have a normal life, like his father; would perhaps take over his father's bakery, raise five children. He could be even unfaithful to his wife without objection occasionally. Or he could win the battle to win Hana's family and marry their opinionated daughter or niece, who did not believe that stifling culture and the way it treated the women. He just could not see himself go for the easy life with Maryam, even though that would be a big disappointment to her mother. He much preferred the audacity and excitement with Hana.

Pondering on his lonely bed, he could see the outcome of being with Hana- the constant humiliation and rejection by her family. On the other hand he could have the fervor of defying her, have many accomplishment for just being together, and above all the pure love they had for each other. However, in his vexed thinking, he found himself very weak to confront the majestic behavior of Hana's family specially Nabi, the decision maker. That infirmity opened his vision to a new solution. He knew those people very well. Even though Behroz had written to him to return, with an exhausted pride, he had a hard time to face that perfect embarrassment. Besides, if Behroz could do something, he did not have to give up Lida. At that moment, he did not feel sorrow, but a blind, directionless rage.

The walls of barrack moved as they wanted to suffocate him. It seemed he was the only breather in that world of weapons and solitude. Jumping down from his double bunk bed, he searched for a to tool to help him with a decision that was shaping in his mind. He found a screwdriver which seemed sufficient enough for the valiant act of opening a door, where the weapons were stored. There were many to choose from; but what made him to select that particular rifle was the similarity to one he had seen in a movie. The hero of that movie wanted it easy and fast; therefore, he assumed that rifle would be the best choice. Now before the return of everyone from their holiday, he needed to hurry and discover where the bullets were; since they never stored the loaded weapons. After opening four doors with he help of the screwdriver, he finally came across the bullets. To find the right one for that rifle, he had to open many boxes and suddenly he sighed of joy: "That is it!"

With the loaded rifle on his shoulder, he walked out of the building to the big compound of the barrack, where they practiced everyday. Far in a corner, there was an old whipping willow tree, very much like the one in his house. The branches were bent, as they did in his house, and they almost touched the ground. He sat there, leaning to the trunk of his favorite tree, imagining his home town, he had so many memories. That corner looked like his house. The image of his house assaulted him like an inconsolable sorrow. He caught a last glimpse of that compound, and as his eyes slowly became accustomed to the grimy shadows of the tree which were crowning him with the last joy, he looked at the dusky sky, where clouds piled upon each other, and down cast his eyes to the land which amazingly looked lucid. The reflection of Hana when she was ten years old enlightened his vision. Feeling fulfilled, he put the barrel into his mouth, as he had seen in the movie. His spirit and mind went blank; and only one word echoed in his mind, Hana. He put the stock of the rifle on the ground between his legs, and placed his toe in the trigger, just like the hero of the movie, and...

Dallas-

To Be Continued