UNFULFILLED- Sixteen-✍✍✍✍ The Will

Both Sohrab and Maryam knew that they could not argue with Neda. They were aware of her generosity. Sohrab asked Neda:

"What about father? You know when he hears about all these, he'll be outrageous!"

Neda laughed:

"He lost that privilege by trapping me into a marriage only to get rid of me, he failed me when he gave my child away, and made the situation as though I had never given birth! I am only kind to those who are kind to me!"

Father had not seen Sohrab and Neda for the last six years. He never showed any interest to see them, or to see his grandson, Aria. Now this news, which was told to him by his first wife, Mehri, brought up the memory of his children back to him; not in a kind way, but a disgusting manner.

Neda always took care of her mother, Mehri. She had a monthly check from Neda, which would continue if Neda would die. So she was in her will, too. She had a permanent salary from her daughter as long as she lived. She did not have to ask Jalal, her husband, for spending money. Neda had taken her mother to a bank and opened a saving account for her. She told her mother that it should stay between the two of them. Then she said:

"Mom, if dad finds out about it, he'll take all the money from you; and that will result that I won't give you money anymore."

So Mehri was very careful that no one in her home knew about this arrangement between her and Neda. In the bank, she had given Neda's address as hers so the monthly statement would not go to her own house since Jalal always checked the mail.

Sima, father's second wife, was now completely in charge of the home. Her daughter, Mina, Neda's half sister, was now twelve years old. Mehri sometimes brought her to Neda's home. Neda loved her little sister, but not the way she loved her nephew. The two wives had found their right ways now, so they lived peacefully together. There was no more fight or envy between them.

Life, however, was very unpredictable. Neda had never thought that her father would be after her wealth. Why was he like this? Wasn't she her favorite child at one point? What had she done to him? Why had he ruined her life? Why? There were questions Neda asked herself that she would never find the answer! she wondered why her father was not happy for Sohrab, his only son, Mayam, and his grandson? She almost understood why he was not happy for her; if anyone made more money than him, he or she would be in her father's hate list!

He had a plan to take Neda to court! Mother told Neda about it. What could she do to get him out of her back? He had changed since his marriage to Sima; but that was fourteen years ago, when Neda was only sixteen years old. Now she was thirty. Wasn't fourteen years of animosity towards his own child, children enough?

Two years passed. The enmity continued. He did, by the way, take Neda to court. Neda had no choice but to hire a lawyer. Things dragged out; it was how the system worked. That was how lawyers made money. However, in the final analysis, one day Neda's lawyer called to tell her that everything was over and the judge's decision was that her father had no right to her wealth since she already had a will.

That evening when Sohrab and Maryam were there, Neda said with her own style of announcing things, without any prior warning, while Kasra, who was there all day, was not even told of:

"I won the case; the one that my own dad was after me and sued me!"

Everyone took a sigh of relief. Their lives were all in disarray because of this father- daughter dispute for the last two years. Then Neda continued:

"We celebrate tonight, even though I feel sad for father. By the way, I could not have won, if I didn't have a will. Can you believe that he had a right to all my wealth if there was no will."

Maryam and Sohrab were shocked to hear that. They had no idea that Neda had a will.

"Kasra, please bring my will. I think tonight is the right time to read it."

✍

In the moment of nihilism, the lavish breeze

Is torn between dark and light in an isle.

All prospective thunders please.

And the only inquisitive man is vile.

Within his absolute vain in darkness;

And the gift of nature are shown.

He doesn't see in his spiteful blindness-

Rain- flower, and a script on the stone.

The dissipative clouds are crowned in white;

Soaring majestically into sunset.

And the mountains near in site.

Naked and unrivaled, they are set.

A tremendous sensation, so to speak;

A sumptuous abyss, deep and profound.

The nihilistic exasperation of man isn't unique;

As it hasn't been for many ages around.

✍

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Sixteen- ☗☗☗ ☗✖The Will

"Aunt Na, I don't like to sleep in that room!"

"I know my love; but you're getting a big boy now. You must!"

Kasra knew one thing, and he knew it well. He knew Neda even better than herself. He knew how to edit her books; and he had become an expert in it. Her writing, like her life, was messy, full of scratches, lines, arrows, and connecting one part at the top or middle or the bottom of the page to another part; which later she would not even understand what she had done. Sometimes she wrote at the edge of the notebook and drew a line and put an arrow at the end of the line. She, herself, mostly did not recall what all these lines and arrows were about; but she had Kasra to figure out all these for her. That was why he was paid. There was no way anyone could put her writings in a form of a finished product; only Kasra was able to do that. He was also able to figure her out, to know her mood swing, to know her wants and needs. Kasra did more for Neda than just being an editor. He would come in the morning, if he had not spent the night there. He would buy grocery on his way that no one had given him the list for them. He was there all day. He cooked the day that Neda did not feel like cooking. At this point he worked only for Neda. The publisher wanted him to. Neda's book was bringing a lot of profit for the publisher. He was paid both by the publisher and Neda. She was always generous with people that were her friends and helpers; she paid him very well. She never missed giving him his monthly check. She had never asked him about his family, his back ground, anything at all the years he had worked for her. He was as unknown to her now as he had been when he had started. He was given to her by her publisher and that had been the beginning of this strange relationship. If he was not there, sometimes she would call him early in the morning. She knew what time he would leave home. He had an old American car, a Chevrolet.

"Kasra, they all are coming here tonight for dinner!" She always spoke as she thought:

"Stop at the grocery store. What do you think we should make?" and on and on. And it was always Kasra, who would come with dinner plan and what kind of grocery they needed; what was for dessert; by the way they needed wine; and Neda needed cigarette.

So the statement that Kasra knew Neda better than herself and even her brother and Maryam, was very true. These days kasra besides editing her books, was the organizer of her writings, her shopper, her lover, sometimes her cook, and the person who knew all Neda's confidential business. He had also had become her fashion designer with he help of Goly, the secretary.

"You need a new outfit for next week interview." He would say to her. He even knew her size, her taste, and the colors she liked. Goly loved to help Kasra to buy a new outfit for Neda, since she was getting all her clothes from Neda. They were almost the same size.

On the other hand, Neda perhaps took him for granted. It was not only the friendship, being her editor, or lover that he wanted to be. He wanted more than that; but he never had the courage to tell her that he was in love with her for such a long time. It was hard to deal with a person like Neda, with the brilliant, yet scattered mind that she had. Kasra wanted to tell one day:

"Let's get married!" He knew that Neda would take that as a joke and laugh it out. Therefore he thought, "why bother!" He knew it was not his look since many times Neda had told him that he was a very handsome man. He was only eight years older than her, so he knew that was not an issue either. In the final analysis, he knew that Neda was not a person for commitment, marriage, taking some one's name, or identity. Her obligation was only to her writing and to her nephew. As well as Kasra knew her, there was something that he did not know about her and that was about her searches for her daughter. He recalled that even one time he questioned her about Ariana, and her answer was rude and angry:

"This subject should never be discussed again! do you understand?"

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Sixteen- ☗☗ The Will

Neda made a room, next to her own bedroom for Aria. She painted the room herself and tried her skill of painting with different shade of blue. She made one wall like a jungle with trees and animals. No one could believe that she could paint and do it this skillfully. She said to them: "If I wasn't a poet, I would be a painter!"

All the furniture she bought for Aria's room were in same kind of blue shades. She made a short fence in one corner of his room, shaped like a little square room with door and every indication that it was a separate room. This was Aria's play room inside his room where she placed all his toys. The fence she had made was with different color thick and heavy ropes. She made them in a way that they had a diamond shape. Her companions were surprised to see her other talents. She spent more time to fix Aria's room than the entire house.

The master bedroom was next to Aria's room. It was big enough for her to have a work area. The third bedroom, she called it guest room, was mostly where Kasra slept at night, unless Maryam and Sohrab were staying, then Kasra would either go home, or slept on the coach. There was a little addition to the living room, almost like a separate room, that she arranged it for her secretary, Goly. She bought a new desk, a cabinet, and some other item for her, so she can have her own little place, being her secretary. She used her old furniture for the entire house. The only furniture she bought was for Aria's room and a desk for Goly, her secretary.

Her bedroom had two windows. She fell in love with this house mostly because of these two windows in master bed; one of the window was on the north side and the other one was on east side of the room. One opened into the yard, the other into the alley. She loved the morning sun to pour in from east window and showering her room with sun rays.

Aria's room became more like his play room. Anytime he spent the time with his aunt, and stayed over night, he slept with Neda, Everybody said that he loved Neda more than his own mother. Fortunately Maryam was not a jealous type. She was grateful to have so much love for her son from all over since Kasra and Goly loved him and spoiled him, too. What a Lucky boy! Neda bought him any toy he wanted. Almost every day that his parents worked, Aria was in Neda's home. He had not yet once spent in a baby sitter, or in one of the grandmas'. Neda had help; Kasra, and Goly were not only her editor and secretary, they did baby sitting if She was not home, they shopped, cooked, and...

Neda bought him a swing set with slide and with Kasra's help insulted in the back yard. When summer came, she bought a very big plastic pool. She went inside the pool with all her clothes on to play with him. She taught him then how to splash water. But never once any harm was done to this little boy, who had become the joy of every one's life. The little Shih Tzue was smart and loving. She gave them such an unconditional love that Neda was happy to find out there are all kinds of different love on earth than she had prior imagined. It took them a long time to train her not to empty herself in the house. The cat, on the other hand, was cunning, yet very smart. No wonder they called Simeeze the second smartest house cat. Some days he would disappear, and would show up late at night to eat and sleep. However he never slept outside of the house. Neda's bed was crowded with the cat, dog, and Aria.. The dog's name stayed "Doggy" That was how Aria began calling her, and that is how it was. The cat, however had a name. His beauty was so overwhelming that they called him "Ziba" (beautiful); even though it was a girl name.

One weekend when Maryam and Sohrab wanted to take Aria home, he hanged to Neda's neck and cried his little heart out. He did not want to go; so they decided after Neda's insistence to stay there themselves. If he cried, Neda cried, too. She had practically replaced Aria with her lost Ariana. All knew that; and no one could do anything about it. Sohrab was kind of angry; but it was Maryam, who told her husband:

"If your sister loves our son and he loves her, too, what is wrong with it? Don't be worry. There is no harm. The more people love him, the better off he is! He knows we love him. He knows we are his parents. I would not harm Neda."

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Sixteen- The Will

To everyone surprise, an American film crew of a Cable Production came to Tehran to make a documentary about Neda's life. She had no idea that people in other countries, especially America, knew about her. She did not say no and invited them to her apartment. They were awed to see the most popular woman in an Islamic country lived such a simple life in a very small, two bedroom apartment. They followed her every where for a week. They recorded everything she did. The good thing about the whole deal was that Neda knew English. She had learned it on her own. She read books in English language. Her speaking was not perfect but was adequate. They interviewed Sohrab, Maryam, and Kasra. They asked her why she was not married! She did not like that question; however, she told them that marriage would block her artistic mind and therefore it was not for her. She never mentioned her short marriage and her daughter. Aria, her nephew was in all their shots from her. They noticed that as busy as she was, she was practically raising her nephew so his mother and father could work and they did not have to take their child to a stranger for baby sitting! By the time they finished with their interviews, filming, and having dinner at Neda's home every evening of their one week stay, they still could not understand her strange life. They wondered, especially the producer, a blond, tall woman with the same jeans and different shirts which she tied them in front instead of buttoning them all the way down, wearing her hair in a ponytail, that perhaps in a country like Iran, in order to be an artist, one had to have a strange life! They also were amazed by the hospitality of all the people they had seen, particularly Neda, herself, who did not let them to spent any money on food or hotel; even bought gifts for all of them before their departure. They left after one week and promised to send Neda a copy of the finished product, about an hour film after editing. This film was supposed to be shown in a cable network in America.

Her nephew, now three years old, was the reason for her living besides her poetry. There was nothing more important to her than that little chubby boy that looked so much like Maryam, except his eyes and forehead that looked like Sohrab. Aria had deep, penetrating eyes that Sohrab had. The first word that he ever said was, "na". Gradually he was able to improve in his speaking and Neda became, "aunti na".

Neda loved to give Aria his nightly bath. He loved to play with his toys in the water. She would sit next to the tub with her nightgown and did not care that she would get all wet by the excitement of the little boy playing with his toys and having his aunt there. She would watch him so he would not go under the water. Then when she would see that his eyes was getting heavy with sleep, she would wrap him in a warm, big, blue towel and held him close to her heart while carrying him to her bedroom. There, he was not sleepy any more. Playing in the water always made him hungry. Neda kept his favorite late night snake always handy. Maryam's backing was excellent. She made different shape and type cookies; some looked like animals, some like trees or toys which her son loved. She always brought plenty of them to Neda's apartment. So every night after bath, when Aria told his "aunti na" that he was hungry, she brought him one or two cookies with a cup of milk. Then she put his pajamas on him and put him on her own bed. He always fell asleep after this routine right away.

Sohrab and Maryam told Neda that she was spoiling him. Neda thought that she was not doing enough.

Neda finally changed her apartment. It was not because that her three companions kept putting pressure on her. It was only for Aria, her little nephew. She wanted him to have a yard so she could get a dog and a cat for Aria. It was not common thing to have a house pets in their culture; even though some modern families did. Neda's reason was first for Aria and then for herself, and for doing one more thing against the culture and everybody that rejected the pet and called them impure. After looking around for a while and when her three companions positively approved, she bought a house in Shemiran, the Northern part of Tehran. There were three bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a living room, a separate dinning room, and a bright kitchen with window opened to east so all the morning sun poured in. The kitchen had a nook which was perfect for breakfast area. The yard was not too big, but big enough for Aria to play, big enough for a dog and cat, and big enough for Neda to make her hands dirty in earth and plant seasonal flowers and even a few trees. First she got a poppy, a Shih Tzu. She was black and white with big, black eyes, and long ears. She had heart shape marks on her back and sides. Then she got a kitten, a Siamese, flame color, with beautiful blue eyes. His nose and ears were dark pink, the rest of his fur almost milky color; that is why they called his color flame. She was lucky to find this cat. It just happened that an acquaintance of her had a female Siamese, who had many kitten, and Neda got one of them.

To Be Continued