Odyssey...~{}~ 34- Robbing Entity

Hana shakes her head and goes to the parking lot and sits on the hood of Mario's BMW. Exasperated and angry, she thinks of all the miseries she has been through; and now at her age, when happiness and tranquillity have come to her without invitation, she must face this, his son's disappointment, and the possible mobilization of his unit to the Persian Gulf. "Oh, God, what have I done to deserve this?" Through the window she can see the two men are talking seriously. As she smokes one cigarette after another on empty stomach, she begins nauseating. Stamping the cigarette on the ground with her shoe, she begins walking like a mad woman back and forth. The cold, crisp weather that is twenty degree colder than the day before, not only is not shivering her this time, but for some strange reason, she is hot and burning up so much so that she takes her coat out. Even though Mario's five minutes is over now for a while, she is so ashamed and regretful that facing Sam stops her of going inside. When Mario finally comes after her, he finds her in a complete disarray.

"Are you all right? Let's go inside."

Hana as though waking up from a nightmare, shakes all over.

"How did it go?" She babbles.

"Very well. Sam is a very intelligent and sensitive young man. We had a good talk."

"Tell me, what did you talk about?"

"I tell you later. Let's go inside."

Inside the restaurant, Hana finds her son as normal as he can be. She thinks about Mario's words, "we had a good talk".

The rest of the day no one talks about the upcoming wedding, as though it is not going to happen. Sam, as always is emotionless or better yet is hiding his motions. No one can tell how he feels or thinks. He acts normal, talks normal and treats Mario as though he knows him all his life. That makes it even much harder for Hana to know how her son is handling the news of her marriage or the mobilization of his unit. How can you deal with a person that expertly hide his emotions? However, Sam shows them places that soldiers gather on their days off. Mario and Sam mostly talk about Military and politics. Mario tells him about the time he was in Iran and some Middle Eastern countries. Sam questions him the reason for being on those part of the world. Again she can not guess if her son is against Mario for work he has done on those areas of the world, or admires him for it. At the end of their visits, Hana realizes that her son has spoken to Mario more than her; and she has no idea how he feels even though she has raised him. As they drive Sam back to the Fort, Hana begs Sam to sit next to her in the back of the car. Sam looks at this devoted woman and feels the same need for closeness and touch.

As Mario drives, in the back seat, mother and son hold each other's hands and slowly and gradually Sam puts his head on her shoulder. This is the first, Hana thinks, the first that her son has shown anything all day. She, with a motherly love, caresses his black hair which is cut very short and kisses his forehead. Sam does not resist since he knows how much they both miss each other. Mario occasionally looks at them through the rear view mirror and with his silence let them enjoy each other's company. As the Fort Hood appears from far, Hana shivers. Her emotional outburst is about to chock her and with difficultly she controls herself. Sam feels not only his mother's twitching nerves, he, himself, shudders for the first time. He wishes he has never joined the army but he is not about to say that to his mother. He has this mixed emotions of being proud to serve his adopted country and to tell his mother to be proud, too, and completely the opposite emotion of why he has joined the Army. As he screams inside with his speaking mind, "please take me home with you", Mario stops the car and gets out. Mother and son hold each other for awhile, as the dying sun in far horizon disappears completely, and the fired orange sky turns blue and purple before the dark of night spreads its canopy on earth.

"I have to go mom." His manly voice is shaking.

"I love you Sam. Are you still mad at me?"

"No, mom, I am very happy for you. Mario is a very good man. You deserve that. Hopefully I'll be at the wedding."

"Do you mean it Sam? I need to know. I won't marry him if it upsets you!"

"Mom, stop this. I mean it, really. He is a very nice man. I truly like him."

"I love you Sam."

As Sam vanishes in the whirl of the moment in front of Hana's eyes, she finally breaks into a cry. Mario walks for a while and allows her to cry. He does not believe to stop people of crying. In fact, he wishes he could have cried when his wife died and when his daughter moved away. He believes that God has given humans tear ducks for crying which most of the time is very therapeutic. He wonders why men do not use this way of discharging their melancholies more often.

Back in town, when Mario suggests that they go to Austin for that night and stay in a good hotel and perhaps go to San Antonio the next day, Hana is outrageous.

"No, no, I want to go home."

"I know you're very upset. My suggestion is only for making you to feel better. San Antonio is a very beautiful city. I like to show it to you. It will help you to feel better."

"No, Mario, I know your intention is honorable but I want to go home."

Around midnight, when they are back in Dallas, he does not dare to ask her for staying over her place. As worried as he is for her, he understands that she wants to be alone. In fact, he does not blame her for being sad, anxious, or bitter. He would be, too. He knows very well how dirty war is; and as he drives away from her apartment, he prays for the safety of all the soldiers specially Sam.

Hana, exhausted of all her flowing and suppressed emotions, mixes a vodka drink for herself with orange juice and sits at her favorite place on the sofa, where she smokes and drinks all night. Something she has never done is drinking when she is depressed, but this depression is above and beyond everything else she has ever faced. She is worried to death for her son's going to Persian Gulf, as Mario finally said to her in the car the great possibility of it. As she begins writing her thoughts, as she normally does, her mind slowly sways back and forth to the unknown future and her past:

"Dear self, close the door, for I no more

Desire to say hello, goodbye, or ignore.

A little part of night is still intact.

A nocturnal song is echoed in abstract.

And glow worm in its hidden place

Twinkles to a shore laid in space.

Same as my cloudy room's light

Which glistens on the window's height.

The image of its burning, promising eyes,

Sparkles in this dark house of whys."

When the alcohol begins affecting her ability to write, she stubbornly writes more so she can feel even worse:

"I walked on the hot asphalt as a young teen.

It was summer afternoon, rays were seen.

A piece of bread fell on the dirt.

It was in a beggar's hand, I saw his hurt.

His empty eyes pierce me like a lance.

I melted in the heat of that glance."

She suddenly remembers that beggar, whom his dry bread broke by falling. She shudders of fear; nonetheless, she goes to the kitchen and makes another drink, this time almost all vodka and a little juice. She returns to her seat and writes more:

"The color of autumn and shade of summer, never

Change my abstraction, they're the same to me."

She looks at her writings with her misty eyes, and then crumbles the papers and throws them around. Like a flash she tares another piece of paper from her notebook and writes:

"Immense wind whips every tree,

Sweeps back and forth the torrent of rain.

Branches crash down in dark bosom to free.

Dazzling power of slashing blast howls in plane.

And here we share a profound woe;

A provocative presence no one can bear.

And here we deliver a magic, a show,

For being human with a sympathizing tear."

She crumbles this piece of paper, too, and throws it out in space. Then she conjures up her home land, family, and especially her mother. In the darkness of her soul, she screams loudly:

"Mom, mother, where are you? I need you!"

To Be Continued

Odyssey...~~ 34- Robbing Entity

Mario brought to Hana's attention, The Operation Desert Storm.

"It seems President Bush will send troops to the Persian Gulf." He said

Hana, back to her old habit, being miserable, wants all these to be only a dream. The shock of the bitter reality is way beyond her endurance. In her almost everyday conversation with Sam, she begs her son to quit and return home.

"Mom, I can't."

Sam finally tells her that their unit has been under an alert for some time and there is a possibility that it will be mobilized. As he repeatedly tells her that he can not get a pass to come home now, she decides to take a trip there and sees him. She can not resist her sickened thoughts anymore. Mario insists on going with her. This will give him a chance to meet Sam and be with Hana.

Even though Hana truly does not want him to go with her, she can not say no to him. They leave Dallas on a Thursday after work with Mario's car. It is a rainy afternoon and when they go through Waco, rain changes to a storm. In front of them the sky lights up with lightening and they can hear thunder loud and frightening. They are silent whereas the nature out there. The only sound in the car is the fast moving windshield wiper, back and forth, back and forth... Hana introspects her last conversation with Sam. She is not sure if going with Mario is a very good idea. On the other hand they will be soon getting married. Sam does not even know anything about Mario. How can she hide her engagement and marriage from Sam any longer? Maybe this is a better way to do it. As she struggles with this thought, another deafening thunder shakes her. The storm makes the car trembles just like their hearts, each on his and her own way. The three hours trip passes mostly in silence since Mario knows how she feels and he does not blame her at all. Hana brings up her feet up to her chest and tries to cover them with her coat. But the cold out there and within her makes her shiver to a degree that leaves Mario no choice but break the silence by saying:

"I raise the heater. You're cold."

"It is all right. I'll feel better in a little while."

That night in Killeen, Texas they check in a motel. It is the first time that they are spending a night together; however, the night passes by her sitting and trying to read a book, which she is unsuccessful to concentrate; and him watching the television, which he can not pay attention to. The next morning, the sky is cloudless and there is no sign of rain or storm, but the temperature has dropped about twenty degree. None of them dressed for this kind of weather, but there is nothing can be done. They drive up to Fort Hood. There, in front of the large gate, the young soldier asks them many questions and looks at their identifications cards; however, he never raises the blocking barrier. When finally the weeping Hana is told to wait so they can call her son, she is filled with both rapture and agony.

Sam and other soldiers are engaged in their morning practice, while the guard is speaking to Sam's superior about a worried mother at the gate. As the Sergeant conjures up his early days in the military when he was only eighteen, and remembers his own mother's emotional behavior since Vietnam War was in full force, he feels this mother's pain as well, and writes a one day pass for Sam. He is very sure that his unit will go to the Persian Gulf soon. "Let's the boy see his mother." He thinks to himself.

Sam is overwhelmingly happy to see his mother, but as he has never learned to show his emotions, Hana mistakes it with displeasure. As they drive away from the Fort to the city, Sam is waiting for an explanation about this sophisticated man with salt and pepper hair, who reminds him of Richard Burton, with his soft, beautiful leather jacket in a light brown color, and khaki pants. It is obvious to Sam that his clothes are designer's. Sam knows cars and is estimating in his mind how much Mario's last model BMW costs. He thinks who is this man with his mother. Mario discerns that he has put Hana in a tough situation by going with her; nevertheless, nothing can be done now. He decides to take the initiative. He begins by introducing himself first while Sam in front seat is all ears. Then he switches to politics and then again back to himself. Finally he starts all over again from the beginning, how he met his mother and so on. Sam impatiently listens to this ongoing story which he knows about it only now.

"Are you two getting married?" Sam tries to make things easy for Mario.

"Yes, we are. Your mother was afraid to tell you. She was waiting for you to come home so you didn't have to learn it this way."

"That is great. I am happy for you." Sam's tone voice seems sarcastic.

Hana in the back seat of the car, breaks into a silent sobbing, for she knows her son's remark does not mean it's wording. Surprisingly Mario feels Sam's bitter comment as well. He understands Sam's hostility and agony.

"Listen Sam, I know you have too much in mind right now and this isn't exactly the right time to learn about us, but you need to understand that your mother has never had a happy life. Your brother moved out as you know and soon is getting married, and you have joined the army; and frankly if I leave her, she will be all alone without anybody. She needs to have a life, too. She deserves to have a life. She is a very good person."

Mario's interjection makes Sam to think. First he thinks who is this man that tells him his mother is a good person as though he does not know her; however, deep inside he agrees with Mario; but he can not get over the fact of being left out on an important issue like this, his mother's second marriage. He can feel his mother's weeping in back seat without turning and looking at her or hearing her cry. But as adamant as he is, he will not forgive her for this. Hana instinctively knows how her son feels and decides to please him even if she has to break up with Mario. They all agree to stop in a little restaurant on the road for breakfast. Hana uses the situation to go to the lady's room so she can discharge the flow of tears that suffocating her like a knot of so many poisonous snakes in her throat. After five minutes, as she is relieved of all unwanted tears, and leaving the rest room to join the two men, she sees Mario standing behind women's bathroom and waiting for her.

"What is it? Why are you standing here?"

"I want you to delay coming to our table. May be you can go outside to have a cigarette. Give me a little time to talk to him man to man."

"What will you tell him?"

"I don't know. Please, just listen to me. You won't regret it."

To Be Continued

Odyssey... 34- Robbing Entity

In 1979, when the Iranian Revolution for changing the Monarchy turned to be a tragic mistake, Hana had to pay a high price for her political activities. Three months abandonment from her family, losing her career which was her identity, and perhaps causing her mother's final breakdown since she could not handle the loss of another child are just some of them. These are things that she never forgets or forgive herself for them. As she has a hard time to forget the pain, misery and danger she lived in, she has kept her promise not to get involved in politics ever again.

Her comprehension by her own and Iranians' experiences has enlightened her that politics is a very impure task for achieving only one goal which is to benefit the politicians to become more powerful and therefore richer and then force their will upon weak, as Saddam Hussein did in 1980 when he declared war on Iran, a nation twice bigger than his. The leaders and politicians of Middle East and Center East, like Iran, lived in their palaces with all their high tack equipment. However, there is almost no difference between those leaders and European or American leaders. If in west there is no palace, the leaders, most likely, become millionaires and billionaires after they leave office. So in reality, they all are the same. Every so often there may be a leader who is different and does the job of governing properly, specially national security. Nonetheless, even when it comes to National Security, they are the soldiers who actually face the real thing, war.

Back to Saddam, who used Iranian's weakness after Revolution and attached Iran. The eight years war between Iran and Iraq caused a very high estimated casualties in both countries; however Saddam used chemical weapons on Iranian people. Millions of families on both countries lost their loved ones and they went through endless pain and agony. America helped Iraq, which later became the enemy of America, against Iran. There was a popular saying in Iran at the time of Revolution, when Khomeini returned from Paris to Iran after a long exile. People, who were against the new regime, would say: "If you lift up Khomeini's beard, underneath of it says made in U.S.A." There were rumors that President Carter had a hand in abdication of the Shah and return of Khomeini. As the saying goes the countries that are friends today, may be enemies tomorrow.

Back to the eight years war of Iran and Iraq and destruction of many infrastructure, and death of Iranians by chemical weapon and also Iraqi's, Khomeini died by natural causes and old age, and Saddam stayed in power with his many palaces and army and his Russian and American weapons. Saddam continued barking on his neighboring countries which made America to get involved to protect so called, Persian Gulf Oils. Now the friends have become enemies!

The eight years of ferocious war between Iran and Iraq brought the worn out and weakened enemies to an unsettled cease fire. Since then, peace has never shown its face to the two countries. The great loss of human lives and resources cost Saddam Hussein $80 billion of debt in loan from west and the Arabs. As he had been engaged in a continuous war and peace with his neighbor in south, Kuwait, this great loss, once again, converted his attention there. As you see, the science of war is like a maze. It is too complicated for the simple brain of the author of this book, but as you see if we want to put in a very simple term, war has consequences and cost. When you have lost human lives and almost all your resources, then you attack another country to get their resources; and a country that at one point was your friend, becomes your enemy, because you are wanting their recourse. It is as simple as that.

As a result of this great loss, in August of 1989, only a year after cease fire between Iran and Iraq, Saddam's troops invaded Kuwaiti's border, which immediately caught the attention of America. If Saddam would succeed, all the good news of the previous years, under President Reagan would be washed out. President Bush's (senior) administration would be absorbed in a repulsion not only in America, but also everywhere else. To stop Saddam, America had only one way, to send troops to Persian Gulf.

None of these would interest Hana the least if Sam was not in Army. She does not dare to think about paying another price for the politicians' so called, victory. The ongoing turmoil for the past year has never caught Hana's attention until her son joined the military. In the middle of December shortly after Mario and she were engaged and were preparing for their wedding on the Valentine's day of the coming year, only a few short months away; and Hana was struggling how to tell her son, Sam, about it, Mario brought to her attention, The Operation Desert Storm.

To Be Continued