Odyssey... {}{29- Earth, Universe

They walk by the lake holding hands in silence while Hana enjoys the smell of his cigar. Before going back inside, they stop to watch how moon and stars breaking constantly in the water by the cold breeze that travels on the surface of the lake. As she is astonished by the beauty of the nature and an unknown satisfaction, Mario holds her as tight as he can, and finally their lips meet. The strange sensation exorbitantly weakens her to a degree of almost falling. He holds her even tighter while kissing her so deep as though he has never kissed before. She can taste the cigar odor in her mouth. She doesn't know how to resist this strong desire that has taken away from her all her life.

In the car, while Mario is driving her home, she thinks about his manly gentleness, impassioned tenderness, and fervid caresses. She does not have any regret for what they have done, but she has a disgusted anger for what has been deprived from her all her life. In her country, women are told that the intimacy are only for men and women must obey their husband no matter what they do to them. The word pleasure does not exist for women. Hana can say for certainty that at her age, she has had a pleasure of intimacy with a man for the first time. As she thinks, while Mario is driving, she remembers that she particularly enjoyed the massage, when he skillfully kneaded her body with his strong hands to soften all her tight muscles. She thinks how could he know of her aching and overworking body that gave her such a treatment, when all the tension of her shyness and everlasting pain gradually eased away? And how could he by any means recognized when to stop the stroking of her body's sore feeling and began those passionate and endearing caresses?

In the silence of the car, where the only sound is their heavy breathing and the sound of engine, Mario conjures up the genuine bliss he has felt that no one has ever given him after his wife's death. He thinks of this honest and serious woman, who is in such need of love in her reserved way; nevertheless, he has one regret that frightens him tremendously. He knows this kind of personalities well enough as has learned by his extensive traveling overseas, whether for business or pleasure, to identify their paranoid characters. If Hana begins feeling guilty for their intimacy, she will never want to see him again. He is certain of that. His only chance, he thinks, is Hana's unbelievable and unusual intelligence. That natural brilliance she possesses, may enable her to overcome the obsolete belief of a culture and custom that woven a web around her which does not work in America.

When the twenty minutes drive from Mario's home to Hana's ends in one hour, since Mario unconsciously was driving the opposite direction to her home, it is time to end this night by saying good bye, or see you again, or a kiss.

"Well, this is it." Mario says despondently.

Hana, as though is awaken up by a harsh sound of an alarm clock, trembles.

"I must go in now."

"We see each other again, right?" Mario murmurs.

"I don't know."

This is what Mario was afraid of.

"Do you have any regret?" He asks.

"No, I'm not sure."

"Did you enjoy yourself?" Mario tries to make her admit of the pleasure he is certain of.

"Yes, I did!"

Now he is hopeful.

"So we see each other again."

"Sam is coming home on Tuesday. I don't know how he is going to feel about us. Let me call you when I see our situation is okay with him."

Mario not only understands that remark, he thinks it is a wise one.

"I agree with you. I don't call you. You call me and let me know."

"All right."

Hana feels once again his manly and passionate kiss and smells the aroma of his cigar before getting out of the car.

As she eases into her bedroom in the dark apartment, she thinks that for one night she has been earth and Mario has been universe; as in her belief women are Earth and men are Universe, and neither earth nor universe can exist without each other. Sitting on her bed, as old days, in the pale light of her room, she writes:

"In the obscure room, the ecstasy numbs.

My every existing cell shivers and becomes

Overflown with a special thrill and desire.

A passage of sunlight sets me in fire.

~

It is his touch that makes me glow.

His passionate kisses caresses me like rainbow.

Should I have only one second to live,

It must be in his bosom, so I can give."

To Be Continued

Odyssey... ~/~29- Earth, Universe

As they end the conversation at the breakfast table and each goes their separate ways, Farhad waits for Mario's phone call, as he and Mario planed it yesterday, and Hana dreams while making a grocery list to go to the market. Sam is coming home in two days and she intends to give him the best of a mother's cooking. In the market, as usual she buys more than what she has in her list.

Around eleven in the morning, Hana is putting the grocery away when the phone rings. Farhad hastily says:

"I get it mom."

Hana feels that perhaps her son expects a phone call. Sam also calls on Sunday morning. while she is about to leave the room, Farhad says:

"It is for you, mom."

"Who is it?" Hana thinks it should be Sam.

"Mario!' Farhad says with a smile on his face.

"Oh, no!" She is frustrated that Mario is not giving up since she knows that a friendship or relationship with Mario is impossible for her first because of the way she is brought up and second because of her children.

"Com on, mom, it is all right."

She blushes which can not be hidden from her son's eyes. She goes to the phone reluctantly. Mario, in his persistent way tries to convince her for seeing each other that evening. She, all confused, listens to him while she is feeling her son's piercing eyes on her.

"What does he want, mom?"

She puts her hand on the mouth piece of the phone.

"He wants to see me this evening."

"Say yes." Farhad says.

Hana feels how much her son has changed from a son to more like a friend. His words gives her a courage she never had.

"All right, Mario, six o'clock."

However, she is still not sure if her son's apparent change is a trap or real, or if he wants to test her so he can criticize her later.

When Mario shows up at six o'clock, Farhad invites him inside, and she notices the immediate rapport between them. She is happy. Her sons have never had a man figure in their lives. If Mario becomes a friend of family, he could be a good role model for her sons. Nonetheless, in the car, she does not know if this move is a right one. When Mario asks her what she like to do, she has to ask him to repeat his question.

"I don't know. I shouldn't do this. I am very upset."

"Why? What is it?" Mario asks.

She is depressed and remembers her sister's letter. As she starts talking about her uncle, slowly relaxation contents her; and she vehemently tells Mario about Behroz. He listens without interrupting her. He understands her desperate need for a friend. After driving for awhile, when she has discharged all her emotional outburst completely, Mario stops the car in front of an Italian restaurant.

"This is one of my favorite Italian restaurant in Dallas. I thought we eat here and then go to a movie. I don't need reservation because they all know me and on Sundays they are not very crowded. If you don't like it, we don't have to go."

Hana nods her head.

"I like Italian food."

In the restaurant, before their meals are served, she indulges the delicious Italian bread while sipping her wine. As the wine slowly relaxes her nerve, and the tasty bread with focaccia to dip in, fills her up, she does not try anymore to escape Mario's fervid eyes and his stretching hands for holding hers.

In fact, when they are walking to the car, after the wonderful and original Italian food they had, she not only does not resist Mario's hand holding hers, she enjoys it, too.

"What movie do you like to see?"

His tone of voice awakens her from a sweet dream.

"It's late. I better get back home."

"Oh, God, it's only eight o'clock."

"I have to go to work tomorrow." Hana continues with her resistance which is actually is not. She is torn between staying with him or going home.

"I don't know. I don't feel like going to a movie." She finally says.

"How about going to my house. We can have coffee and brandy by the lake."

She remembers the reflection of moon and stars in that man- made lake.

"But it is cold."

"Okay, I take you home then."

She realizes that her resistance which really is not, making him to give up on her.

"All right, let's go to your home; but only for a little while."

To Be Continued

Odyssey... ~~29- Earth, Universe

The Reminder of Her Sister's Letter:

"I've never felt that lying to you was a good idea, but everybody else thought otherwise. They all said what is the sense of telling you what really happened to Uncle Behroz. You know I had to go along with it. Grandma specially made us swear that we never tell you the truth. She said that you'd already had a miserable life with that evil husband of yours. You know I had to go along with it. I don't think lying to you, specially they way grandma insisted, was in a malicious way but it was for a good reason, since we all knew how close you and Behroz were to each other. The family didn't want to hurt you as they all knew that you had enough hurt and misery of your own. Now after so many years, after passing of grandma, and because I knew you'd never believed the car accident story ( we should have made another believable story like cancer), as I've read in your letters constantly, 'Tell me the truth', I feel It is time to write to you and put an end to your long ambiguity for his death. Behroz committed suicide. He was found one morning on his bed dead. He didn't leave any note or words behind. He took his life with arsenic."

Hana can not read anymore. Her hysterical sobbing fills the room. To her, Behroz did not die seven years ago but right now. She has never healed from the scar his death caused her; nevertheless, that old wound begins bleeding as though she is injured at this precise moment. Behroz, her lovable, intelligent uncle, her best friend, the one who introduced her to deep thinking and reading, poetry and writing, and a person that she trusted more than life itself, is dead. He did not die seven years ago, but right now when finally all these long obscurities come to clarity. He preferred to end his life rather than living in an environment that was not conducive for a genius like him.

Hana spends another insomniac night in her room, but this time is not for her own wretchedness but it is for Behroz. She ponders to put herself in his place in the moment he acted on his final decision. While tossing in bed, getting up, smoking, and walking in her apartment, not only she finally knows and understands, she also realizes that she would have done the same if she did not have any children. As well as she knows Behroz, she is certain in that moment, he had felt an extreme sense of hopelessness and helplessness which turned to an exaggerated, yet hidden courage against himself while thinking nothing in life had been what he wanted to be. He had swallowed that bitter poison either because he did not have the skills for enduring the life anymore or he was tired for enduring life as long as he had.

At breakfast, Farhad notices his mother's swelling and red eyes.

"What is it, mom? Have you been crying?"

Hana is not sure if her son will understand her painful mourning for her dead uncle, who died seven years ago; nonetheless, she must answer him.

"I had this letter from Mina!" She stops. Tears flow again.

To her surprise when she tells her son the reason for her sorrow, he not only understand but he empathizes with her as well. As young as he was when they lived in Iran, he never knew the depth of his mother's closeness to Behroz; nonetheless, he has learned by his own observation how precious a real friend can be. He knows when a friendship begins at childhood, it is always more meaningful. After Hana is calm or appears to be, Farhad, who has waited since yesterday to know about an issue, asks her:

"What is your relation with Mario?"

Hana, as though something hits her on head, becomes disoriented while thinking: "How does he know?" Then she recalls Mario and Farhad's talking with each other. While trying to hide her nervousness, she says:

"Oh, he is Valery's cousin. I met him in Valery's birthday once."

"No, mom, you met him twice. It is all right. You can tell me."

"What do you want me to tell you? I don't have any relation with him. Why are you asking?"

"I think he is very much interested in you. I find him very intelligent."

She is very surprised of her son's discernment while she is not sure if that statement is true or is a trap to make her talk.

"Yes, he has told me. He wants us to be friend, but I don't!"

"Why not mom? You need a friend. You were just talking about uncle Behroz. He was your friend more than he was your uncle. Now that Valery is married, perhaps you'll see less of her. I don't see anything wrong with that!"

She does not believe what she hears. she recalls their conversations over a month ago, when Farhad's resistance for her to have a female friend cost them some weeks of hostility. He has finally come to understand that his mother is a human being, too; and besides taking care of his brother and him, she also needs to have a life.

To Be Continued

Odyssey... 29- Earth, Universe

In every one's life comes a day of perceiving that everything up to that day has not been what appeared to be. The conflicting discord, as disharmony that nature imposes upon trees when changing season, paralyzes all they are needed for enduring a life before it brings to light a new solution or purpose. The temporary immobilization, however, obscures the ambiance to a degree that for some is unbearable while for others is just another task of life needs to be tackled. Why do some people commit suicide? Isn't because they have gotten to a point that their pasts seems indistinct and their rationality for present is affected by their intolerable feelings; therefore, the future light seems like a misty vagueness? Or is it because of the extreme helplessness one feels inside which turns to an intense and subliminal anger against oneself and leaves them no choice but to eliminate himself?

Hana has never believed the cause of Behroz's death was an accident. The letter she finds in the mail box Saturday evening after coming back from Valery's wedding finally clears that long cloudiness. Mina, her younger sister, begins her letter with normal reports of their lives in Iran and how bad things are. Sara, their other sister, is completely cured from epilepsy according to the doctors. Their children are wonderful and smart. Mina describes her eight years old daughter, whom Hana has never seen, a little Hana. Mina says in her letter that Mino, her daughter, not only looks and acts like Hana, but she is also as smart as her aunt, too.

A nostalgic introspection surrounds Hana and she regrets of not being there to see her nieces and nephews grow and perhaps she fills the empty place of her mother, their grandmother, for them; so they can feel the love of a grandma, as her sons did, only in their aunt, Hana. She is overwhelmingly blissful to learn of Sara's complete recovery of the long disease, epilepsy, for she has blamed herself all these years for it. Even though Sara has never answered any of Hana's letter because of her husband's dislike for her, she has never stopped thinking about her and loving her.

Mina's letter is long which is unusual. She feels there must be more than all these wonderful news in the letter. "Mina never writes me long letters." As she continues reading, every nerve in her body twitches and a chill enters her bones. Grandma is dead at age seventy eight. She, who outlived her husband, Hana's sacred grandpa, for fifteen years, her daughter, Gol, and her second son, Nabi, according to Mina, had suffered tremendously because of Behroz, her last child's unfortunate death. Hana stops reading. There are still two pages left in Mina'a letter and somehow Hana knows that the remaining of this letter will tell her the real cause of Behroz's death, as she has never believed even for a second that the car accident had cost him his life. She starts a cigarette and makes herself comfortable by sitting on her bed; and then continues reading. The bag of her forest green, velvet dress are thrown on the floor like a piece of dirty clothes.

To Be Continued