Odyssey... [][] 19- Load

The next day at work, when Hana's boss tells her that she is wanted on the phone, she won't let her boss know of her domestic turmoil. Ambiguous Hana answers the call while trying to act normal so her boss would not guess her state of mind. She listens to Hamid's boiling anger:

"I'm on my way home. I'll teach you and the kids a lesson that you'll never forget. That is a promise. I don't like to be rejected. You're turning my kids against me, you son of b.... If I can't have you, we all are going to die."

Hana feels a sudden heat on her face while her hand that holding the phone is shaking; but she somehow manage to say calmly to Hamid: "Sure!" She does not want her inquisitive boss to find out anything about her personal problem.

"I kill you all. I burn you. I bury you myself."

"Sure, okay, bye."

While she is frightened to lose her job if Hamid keeps calling back, she goes back to her work.

That night her sons suggest that she sleeps since she must work the next day; and they stay awake for watch since they don't have schools in Summer. How can she sleep when a movement of a tree outside the window shivers her, a passing car in the street paralyzes her, and any visible or invisible sound trembles her? She joins her sons in the living room and watches them playing video games. She remembers the days that her sons liked her mother more than her and cried when she wanted to be close to them. How much they have changed? How adorable and good looking they are! How strong and loving they have turned out! She looks at them thirstily as though something will separated them soon. She can not possibly measure her love for these two young men. In a state of feeling so lonely, so vulnerable, and so far apart, she asks her sons to hug her. The three of them hug each other for awhile; while she thinks in her exhausted mind that her sons are the only people she has left; and her sons think in their fresh, young minds that they will protect her no matter what. They bound together without speaking, and a sudden radiant energy electrifies them, as though they are struck by lightening; and in that state of shock, they become one.

Striving to read the book she has started a month ago, she remembers the day that she was frightened as she is now; nevertheless, she faced that horrified situation with pride and dignity.

Tehran-

The assistant district manager was a young man, who was dressed like the revolutionaries, and had a long beard, as it was becoming a custom for men to be recognized as believers of the new regime. Hana, who had a long, loose coat on which covered her whole body and a big kerchief on her head, as Mrs. T. had recommended, stood in front of his desk without being asked to sit. She watched the flakes of snow through the window behind his desk, as they were flying in white sky covered with bloody clouds. Her heart was pounding while the man was busy with his papers and phone calls as if she was not there. She understood right away that he was an opportunist since he called people who were calling him on the phone brothers and sisters. That was another new custom which was becoming popular among the believers of the new regime. She was convinced by everything she discerned in that room the deep trouble she was in. While the man was still on the phone, Hana thought of leaving the room and forgetting about defending herself. But how could she?

When finally the man looked at Hana, his small, hateful eyes shivered her and an uncontrollable anxiety ran into her body.

"I believe Dr. K. the Shah's Minster of Education has given you this job!" There was a derisive arrogance in his voice.

"Yes, sir, brother..." Her voice was trembling.

"Isn't he your cousin?"

A long silence ensued.

"A distant cousin, and he is dead now." There was a mist before her eyes.

"Ha, now he's a distant cousin!" He fired at her.

She took control of herself while knowing where the conversation was leading to.

"He's always been a distant cousin." She could no longer make out his face.

"Stop the nonsense woman. There are many out there without jobs and you have one because of the corruption of the Shah's regime."He growled like an angry animal, growing more animated.

Hana lapsed into an eloquent silence for a moment and then said:

"I am as much against the Shah as you are. The Savak killed my brother. Besides what is the difference how I got the job? That was fourteen years ago." She said in half whisper while a chilly blast of air struck her.

He retaliated by a look which almost crushed her.

"I also know that you're one of the aristocrat's descendants and your family own a lot of properties."

"That is true sir. But I don't own anything myself. I live from paycheck to paycheck. I have to take care of my family." Blood rushed to her head.

"And your activities against Emam Khomeini! What can you say about those you narrow minded woman?"

Words died on Hana's lips while she felt insulted and injured. Then he raised his voice:

"We didn't throw the Shah out to keep you dirty monsters. We must clean up the system thoroughly." His voice passed its prime.

Then he picked the phone and dialed a number while Hana was about to collapse.

"I have the subject here to be taken." He said to whomever was on the other side of the line.

She at once thought that the subject was her. He rose from his seat, gnashing his teeth and was about to leave the room.

"Stay here, I'll be right back."

Hana did not have much time to think. She knew that she was in a deep trouble. She remembered her sister's story about her husband's coworker. She had to do something quick before the man would return to perhaps arrest her. She slowly walked to the door. She opened it, being surprised of not being locked, and looked outside the long hallway. There were many people there. Should she stay calm, she could just walk out of that room and leave. Burning inside, she composedly walked all the way to the east end of the hallway, where the stairs were. She continued her quiet escape all the way to the street without causing any suspicion. When she felt the cold blast of air on her face and the chilling flakes of snow around her, she breathed deeply and began running through the narrow alleys while remembering her first and only date with Saeid , at the same places, when she was only seventeen years old.

To Be Continued

Odyssey... {}{ 19- Load

Hana did not say anything to her mother that evening. For the first time since the riot had started, she was anxious and alarmed. Talking to her mother about her day, as she did every evening, or helping her sons with their homework, as they expected from her, seemed an impossible act that evening. Gol, who nothing can be hidden from her, noticed her daughter's strange disturbance. She was filling with a startling hysteria, as it happened after Van's death. A pounding headache was hammering her to a degree of almost fainting. She knew about Hana's activities as well as the both governments cruelty. Losing another child would probably break her unconquerable resilience. Should something happen to Hana, Gol, who had gone through many crises, would not conceivably be able to tolerate it. Hana, her first child, mother of her grandsons, and her friend was her soul, her dead husband, and son and the only purpose of her living. There was no need for words to understand Hana's state of mind that night. Just looking in her eyes and watching her frenzied movement told Gol everything. Mina's phone call that evening added to Gol's dread. Her husband's friend at the office was arrested that day for talking against the newcomers; and nobody knew where he was. His wife had called Mina earlier that evening sobbing hysterically. Mina was very concerned for her sister, Hana; and she asked her mother if Hana had given up her activities. Gol, feeling depressed, said:

"I don't think so. I give the phone to her. Ask her."

As much as Hana liked Mina, her favorite sister, she did not tell her about the conversation with Mrs. T. because she did not want to frighten her family beforehand.

That night in bed, Mina's words about her husband's friend kept echoing in her ears; and like old days, she pictured so many different scenarios for her morning meeting with the new assistant district manager. However all those moving pictures ended up by her running in dark alley while bloody eyes of so many enemies were piercing her through.

Dallas-

When the phone rings early in the morning, it is Sam who answers it while Farhad and Hana are watching him.

"Oh, it's you, dad."

A cold shiver enters Hana's body.

"Let me talk to your mother." Hamid's voice is almost unrecognizable.

"You can talk to me."

"Let me talk to her you son of b..." He is enraged that it seems his anger can touch Sam through the wires.

While Hana is about to take the phone from Sam, her sons look at her ardently.

"Mom, don't give in. We're behind you." Farhad says.

How can she be tough without practice!?

"What do you want?" Her voice is weak and shaky.

"I'm stuck here with no money. They say my credit cards are no good anymore." He is trying very hard to speak softly to his wife.

"Your credit cards! They are not yours. I put stop on them yesterday. I should have done it last week." The words "my credit cards" of him angered Hana that she suddenly finds the amazing toughness she prays to have it.

"First you and your sons throw me out; and now you want me to die. What can I do without food and..."

She impatiently interrupts him:

"Do what every one else does. Get a job. I don't have to take care of you. You are not sick or a child."

"Is that it? You finally spilled it out. You don't love me. You don't want me. Now you're Americanized. Perhaps you have a boyfriend bow. Did you sleep with him last night?"

Hamid's irrational talk makes Hana to hang up the phone. It rings again; and mother and sons decide not to answer. Suddenly something strikes Hana. He is using her phone card. She immediately calls the telephone company to issue her a new card and cancel the old one. She is not sure how much this last week has cost her; something she will find out soon. But as her grandfather always said it is better to eliminate the danger as soon as possible rather than giving another chance to a person who has caused it.

She and her sons are very well aware that Hamid's real revenge will begin now. At the breakfast table, they talk it over.

"I say let's move from this apartment right away so he can't find us." Sam says.

"This is a good idea but it can't be done right away. We still have two more months left from our lease." Hana answers.

"We talk to the apartment manager. Maybe she let us go." Farhad says.

While Cindy, the apartment manager, sympathized with them, she says if they break a lease, their credit will be ruined and they can not rent another place. Then she recommends that they call the police for protection.

After the police officer hears Hana's bitter story, he says:

"Unfortunately I can't do anything. No crime is done. You're predicting he may harm you and your sons. He has no criminal records. We just can't do anything. When is he coming back?"

"I don't know." Hana's voice is weakened by her emotion.

"I tell you what, when he comes back, if he wants to enter your apartment, call us right away. By the way change the locks. That helps."

It seems all doors are closed for them. Why can't they prevent crime before it happens if evidence shows it will happen? But as she could not do anything in past to change the system, she can not do it now either. With Cindy,s approval, the locks are changed that day. At least that is a small step; even though Hamid is capable of breaking doors and windows or even driving the car through the wall of the living room.

To Be Continued

Odyssey... ~~19- Load

Tehran-

While Hana was carried away by her enterprise to open as many eyes as she could, she was blind herself to realize that politics had always been a dirty task that a small voice like hers could not change it or influence it for better. Her vehement passion to be a pioneer in women's movement impulsively stupefied her family, especially her mother. Hana, who was so vulnerable and weak in her own affairs and personal relationship, became a strong, unbeatable voice among oppositions by lecturing, passing flyer, and demanding fearlessly the two regimes, one about to die and the other close to victory, leave Iranian people in peace so they could elect a government by and for the people. Her impassioned demeanor frightened everyone in her family; and they picked Behroz, her favorite uncle, to talk to her.

In their conversation, Hana called Behroz a cowardly, timorous, and feeble individual. Behroz's reasoning was not good enough for her. He could not possibly divert her opinion that the newcomers were even more vicious than Savak, who had executed her brother, Van. He reminded her of their friendship, of their secrets together to soften her adamant behavior but to no avail. Reporting to her sister, Behroz told Gol that he was not capable of changing Hana. Gol was paralyzed. If Behroz could not convince Hana, no one could. So she waited for another shock in her family which later would bring her to another mental collapse.

While Hana's ventures were about to cost her job and freedom, Hamid calmly moved as wind and went along with whomever had the power. That gave him a sense of importance that had taken away from him since childhood. In his blindness and selfishness, he could not see that his wife was drowning into an abyss of falsity. He did not even know what Hana was doing as long as her paycheck was on time. Since they have closed all the liquor stores, now he had set up a pressure cooker with some other equipment to make his own vodka at home against Gols' objection. He did not show any more respect for Gol as he had done at the beginning.

When a day came, to be exact, December of 1978, that Hana's paycheck was not given to her, She went to the office of Mrs, T., the manager of the fiscal affairs of the college she was teaching. In respond to her startling objection, Mrs. T. told her that she had nothing to do with that and the Ministry of Education was holding her check. Hana compassionately argued with her about right and wrong and told her that she was a weak person ; and her job was to defend teachers and staff.

"Listen Hana, I know you're the best teacher here and work very hard; but if you want your check to support your family, you must give up these activities. Everybody knows about it. I'm telling you the situation is very bad. The Shah is leaving and Khomeini is coming from Paris. These newcomers are worse than the Shah. You must be careful. Personally I like you a lot." Mrs. T. said what she really felt.

"So you agree with corruption. Don't I have the responsibility to open my students' eyes?"

"Listen honey, We don't live in America. I know you're right, but I'm close to my retirement and am not going to jeopardize all these years of working, you shouldn't either."

Hana looked at her puzzled and she could not understand why Mrs T. was so timorous; however, the thought of not having her check was very shocking to her. How could she feed her family without money while everything was outrageously expensive and the smugglers of food were taking advantage of the chaotic situation? On the other hand, giving up her belief for her check was like living without soul. Ironically, a part of her had lived without a soul since she had married Hamid. With hesitation, she asked Mrs. T.:

"What can I do?"

"I hope it's not too late. The assistant district manager wants to see you in his office tomorrow."

"Do you mean Mr. S.?

"No, Mr. S. is not there anymore. There is this new guy I haven't met yet; and please wear a kerchief on your hair and a loose, long coat."

To Be Continued

Odyssey... 19- Load

Dallas-

Some beginning has no end or perhaps it has an unseen end that no one can anticipate. The long, agonizing days and nights for Hana and her sons seem without ending. Waiting for an attack, a blow, a fire, a shooting, or anything that Hamid is capable of, devastate mother and sons in such an anxiety that they did not know any other worrisome like that. Being afraid of a sabotage, Hana checks her car every morning thoroughly before going to work even though she does not know anything about the mechanism of a car. After all Hamid has always been good in working with cars; and he threatened many times that he was going to do something to break of her car, so while he was driving, the break would not work. As unbelievable paranoia possesses her to a degree that anytime she pushes the break, she expects its malfunction, she remember clearly that Hamid told her more than once that he could kill her in a car accident without anyone suspected it. At nights, she sits behind the window in dark and watches outside for any suspicious activity. Her strange behavior can not be hidden from her sons. Her sons, who watch her closely discern her perplexing manner and do not know how to cope with this new issue in their lives. However, deep inside, they do not like the silence either. It is not just like their father.

A week passes from the incident in the hospital without any news from Hamid while Hana is convinced something terrible has happened to him, and her sons believe he is having fun somewhere with their mother's credit cards. The boys' concern for her credit cards suddenly brightens Hana's obscure mind. She can find out where he is! That evening at dinner table, the enigmatic mother and sons finally come together in spirit and mind to do something about their imprecise lives.

"Mom, call your visa and master card and claim you've lost them. They close those accounts right away." Farhad says, looking in his mother's eyes with a searching glance.

"Farhad is right, mom. I bet he's maxed them up by now." Sam adds after a minute of silence.

In the past week Hana has been so frightened and delusive that she could not possibly think straight. Now she knows her sons are right and suffers a great deal for the future consequence.

"I call them tomorrow morning." Tear about to flow from her eyes.

"Mom, call them now. They're open twenty four hours a day. You must make that call not us. Why are you so hesitant? " Farhad says in an abrupt, decisive tone.

"Why didn't we think of this last week?" Sam cries, growing more ardent.

"You're right. Let me find their phone numbers." She says at last in a skeptical, unsteady voice while tears glisten in her eyes.

After answering all the question such as her mother's maiden name, or the last four digit of her social security number or zip code, she finally has the chance to tell the women on the other side that she has lost her credit cards. To answer their questions about when and how she lost them, she just simply says that she does not know. Her last question from the woman in all four calls is when was the last time the cards have been used; and all the answers of all four women are, in New Orleans. She does not dare to ask them how much , since she knows the closing statement will answer this question. The women make Hana to understand that she is responsible for all the charges up to that moment and they will send her new cards with new account numbers soon. They closed the accounts right away. The other matter that her sons bring to her attention is the car, her car.

"I can't do anything about it. The car is in our both names. The credit cards were in my name but he could use them, too, because he couldn't get one for himself for not having a job."

"But you're paying for the car, aren't you?" Farhad angrily says.

"I know, but that is how it is."

"I bet we hear from him tomorrow when he won't be able to buy his breakfast or pay his hotel with credit cards." Sam says with a profound look on his face.

Tehran-

To Be continued