Odyssey...@@ 10- Monster

While Hamid was trying to change Gol's coldness towards him impatiently, Gol's affliction sizzled beneath her smiling face, which was so strange to Hana. This was the first time that Gol was meeting Hamid and his uncle. Amir, as usual came late; and after the normal introduction, Hana realized her mother's first impression for Amir, who was a professor of law and a major in military, was positive. On the other hand her mother, it was obvious, could not stand Hamid. She did not need to hear anything from her mother to know how she felt. She knew every movement of that familiar face; and she could interpret them to words. Therefore, when Hana deemed that mom liked Amir, she was very right. Even Hamid noticed Gol's liking to his uncle.

In the frenzied struggle, Hamid thought that he was one step closer to marry Hana, Gol's daughter, since he knew she would not marry him without the blessing of her family. He wished that his uncle's news would be a real good one. He knew any help to find out where they kept Van and what charges was, if it came from his uncle, would soften Hana's strong willed family. To impress gol, he ordered the best and the most expensive pastries with cinnamon and tea for everyone. While trying to be hospitable, as though the cafe was his home, he practically showed all his anxiety and nervousness. Amir, who was studying his nephew's behavior around these mother and daughter, was smart enough to see Hamid's real reason.

"Sit down Hamid. This is not home. Why are you doing the server's job?" If he could only tell the two women to run from his nephew. He did not care for his brother's family at all. His brother's wife had brought them up to be like monsters even the girls.

Hamid, shocked, realized the hidden message behind his uncle's words, and quietly sat down.

Amir's hesitation to beging the conversation seemed not like a good news Hamid had told Hana the day before. Both mother and daughter felt an impetuous empathy that connected them in their despairing apprehension. When Gol opened her mouth to talk, Amir's words were already in the air:

"Any news is better than no news. I wish I had some good news for you. " He paused and raised his eyes to see the flare in Gol's eyes.

Hana on her chair, shivered for that beginning, while Hamid felt his chance for marrying Hana was diminishing. After a minute of silence, Amir continued:

"Anyway, you may know that there are hundreds of thousands political prisoners all over the country. I've found out that van is in Evin Prison, right here in Tehran."

Evin Prison rang in Gol's ears like a loud drum. She knew that prison was the worst of all. It was notorious for killing all its prisoners and throwing away their bodies somewhere unknown, and never even gave their dead bodies to the families. Gol's thought traveledd to her daughter's mind, who was still shaking on her chair. . Amir, who noticed The two women's breakdown, did not know how to continue. Finally, Gol, through the haze of her eyes, looked at Amir dramatically and stammered:

"Please go on."

"I understand how you feel. I really can't do much. Usually Savak don't respect military much. You know that is a separate organization to protect Monarchy from domestic terror. They specially don't like people like me , who leave Savak and join Military. They call us bad names. They tell us that we use Savak for a few years to become an officer in Military. However, my close friend , who I went to school with, works for Savak. He gave me this information." He stopped at this moment to take a sip from his tea. It seemed as though his emotion was getting him down, too. He continued:

"He also told me in a very near future, about thirty prisoners will be executed..."

At this point, Gol broke in to a hysterical cry. Hana got up from her chair and hugged her head from behind while trying to control her own hysteria . Gol, with a wave of hand told Hana to sit down and turned to Amir and Said: "I am sorry, please go on."

Amir, completely shook up to be the one to give these news to this grieving mother and daughter, continued.

"Where was I... Oh, yes, another twenty prisoner will be transferred to the prisons in other cities; and only a few will be set free. My friend said that he did not know what would happen to Van! I am so sorry to be the one to tell you all these news. But let's pray that your son will be among the one would be freed.'" He was very sincere in his talking about what was fact and what was his own emotion. He wished he had not been involved in this case.

The startling news brought Gol and Hana to their final collapse. Hana, losing her electric vitality, broke into a hysterical cry that she was trying to avoid because of her mother. Suddenly Hamid got up from his chair and walked to Hana and held her. Gol's uncontrollable rage caused her penetrating eyes to pierce Hamid through and in a voiceless manner, she told him: "How dare you to touch my daughter?"

Petrified Hamid went back to his seat. Intelligent Amir was aware of those exchanging looks. He tried to put himself in Gol's place and a cold flow of horrible thrill entered his body.

"I am so sorry. I wish I could do something. One thing my friend promised. He said that he will let me know when the transferring or the other happen."

"You mean after they happen! Won't be that a little late to do something for my son?" Gol's voice was now completely inaudible.

"I am, so sorry. I have no control what Savak does. I believe in my heart that Savak organization is wrong and causes more people turn agains the Shah and government. That is why I got out. I couldn't take it anymore." Amir's voice showed his expressive sorrow.

"Well.thank you. At least now we know where he is. We must go now. Hana find the waiter. I want the check." Gol said firmly. All those beautiful pastries had stayed untouched except Hamid's.

Hamid got up from his chair and in a very respectful manner said:

"No, please, let me pay the bill."

Hana was surprised that he had brought money with him that day; and she thought: "He wants to impress my mom."

To Be Continued

Odyssey...=+= 10- Monster

In the next twenty days Hana did all her everyday, normal routine. There was only one change in every one's life- no one talked to Hana because she did not talk to anyone. Every afternoon, at the end of work day, she would ride a bus to go to college. She secretly saw Hamid almost everyday. He, who looked frustrated, would repeatedly bring up the unsolved question, when? Hana, who had no true answer for that question, would say, soon. The twenty minuets ride to college would spend in silence most of the time. In one occasion, Hamid tried to touch her leg in the bus, and she stopped him at once.

"What is it? Don't you love me anymore?"

"Of course, I do. It's just not right."

Hana, who had tried to rise above the custom of a country in which women were oppressed, was not sure if that statement was a true one. She had always thought if two people loved each other truly, they did not need the holy words of a Molla (Muslim Priest) for marriage. They could be joined in marriage away and far from law and religion and say those holy words under the canopy of sky to each other. They could be together faithfully with honor, respect, and loyalty which are the requirement of any healthy marriage without going through the ceremony conducted by a charlatan. When she objected Hamid's touch, did it mean before marriage! If her perspective of marriage had passed above the standard of the society, why she did not want him to touch her? Did she believe what she preached? Or perhaps she knew what she stood for was right but she did not believe Hamid was the right person for her! Perhaps she had come to understanding that her family was right! If that was the case, why did she want to marry him so badly that no one, not even her grandfather and Behroz were able to change her mind?! Did she spitefully want to ruin her life and be wretched only to prove to her family that she was against their culture and she was free to do whatever she wanted to do!? Therefore, her intention had to be going against the crowd! Was that not a childish and dangerous game only to prove to her family that they could not run her life any more?! Could she not think of something smarter so it would not ruin her entire future?

It took her twenty days to explore her true feelings after the chaotic argument with her family. She finally came to resolution that her family was right; and Hamid was a user, even worse than that, an abuser and charlatan. His eyes were not the eyes of a normal man but a sociopath. Why didn't he ever talk about his family or where he live? Remembering his insistence for living in Hana's home after marriage, despondently trembled her. Discovering that shocking truth, her family known it and she had not, shuddered her. She finally came to realization that one's elders were always had more experience; even though she had more education.

She was not sure how to break the news to Hamid and then to her family. She could hear the ring of so many inquisitive voices in her ears: "We told you so. We told you he is a user." If just her family would not say those words to her! Imagining herself at home or at her grandparents', she could see her family's derisive smile; and she could hear more of those hammering words: "We told you, we told you..." Depressed and angry at herself, she felt as though that mistake was not a forgiven one. She understood no matter what, she would always live with that indelible guilt. Pondering over a solution, she decided to tell Hamid first.

Dallas-

To Be Continued

Odyssey... {}{} 10- Monster

Tehran-

In the process of misfortunate disappearance of Van for the last nine months, Hana and Hamid saw each other in many occasions, which were mostly for their own reasons rather than mysterious vanishing of Van. Her mother knew of some of these meetings; and she contributed them to Van's case. However, Gol did not not know all of them.

Hana's spending money on him did not bother her but gave her a sense of protective superiority she had learned after her father's death. What she never thought about or perhaps did not want to know was why Hamid always forgot to bring money with him! Since she never dared to talk about her very special feelings to Hamid to anyone in her family, so they could guide her, she did not know how that evil young man was using her in many ways. Since dating and seeing the opposite sex was prohibited in their culture, all these visits she had with him was secretive. If she lived in a culture that she could date, perhaps she could talk about his strange behavior to someone and she would get some advice; But that was not her case.

The very first touch happened in a day that they were walking in a alley close to her house. The cold autumn weather had turned nature into a color that needed an artist to paint that breath taking beauty. The breakage of the dry leaves beneath their shoes sounded like a romantic music that had been composed only for lovers. The ambiance was so moving in her eyes that she sighed and tears filled her eyes. That moment was hers. Since the death of her father and the vanishing of Van she had not had any moment like this for herself. He, who was looking at her, held both of her hands in his and gently brought her to a stop. He squeezed her hand with so much gentleness that she attribute it to his gentlemanly way. The sensation of that contact for an ever untouched twenty years old woman was thrilling and very new. It was not like the empathy she had felt for Saeid three years before; but it was something indescribable. In the dusk of that shadowy alley, where very little of dying sun were forced through the autumn trees, Hana's knees bent of a sudden shock. He held her. Then it was the first kiss, her very first kiss. He would not let go of that long kiss; and she gradually dropped her shield and relaxed to be kissed more. She felt as though her entire body was melting by a heat that was not fire but created a fire. She let her defense drop and pulled him close to herself. The fire within her was something so new to her that she did not know the meaning of it. When she noticed that he wanted more than kisses, she pushed him away while she, herself, wanted more. In her pleasure, she knew that she could not give in to his desire. A good, decent girl would never do these things. He, who was clever enough to read her mind, whispered in her ears:

"It's okay honey. I want to marry you."

This was the first time she had heard the word marriage from him. She was confused by the mixed feeling she had for this man. She wanted him, yet she did not want him. She had to take care of her family. This man had no job, no income. Could she drop her family, all of them for a man without job and money? While she was thinking all these, he was still trying to do more than kissing. When she finally moved away from him, she saw a sign on her coat that she had never known about it.

"What is this?" She pointed to her bottom part of her coat.

He laughed uncontrollably and said:

"You mean you don't know!"

At home, in her closet- like room, she felt educated. She had learned something without being an active participant in it.

When Gol heard about Hamid's proposal to her daughter, she was furious. Confronting Hana for the shocking news on a Friday afternoon, did not change her daughter's mind. Hana acted stubborn and argued with her mother for hours. Gol's delirious reasoning convinced Hana that her mom's fear was not for her choice but was for losing her income and support. When she abruptly told her mother what she thought, Gol completely lost her control.

"I'm so ashamed of you. How can you say this to your own mother? All I want is your happiness and I know Hamid is using you. He is a disgrace."

"What is wrong with him? Why don't you like him?" Hana cried.

"First, he doesn't have a job; second, we don't know anything about his family. I've heard terrible things about his sisters and mother."

"What you heard mom, is wrong. He had just finished his two years military service ten months ago. He gets a job soon. About his family, I know they are very high class and rich." Hana doubted herself, said. She even doubted when Hamid had told her repeatedly that he was looking for a job.

"This is wrong. You want to tell me that he could not find a job in ten months since his return from draft! It doesn't feel right. I wish your dad was alive. Besides where do you want to live?"

"Even if dad was alive, he couldn't change my mind. We have decided to live here so I can take care of you all."

"Is this his idea or yours?"

"It doesn't matter whose idea it is! This way is better for all of us."

"Hana, sweet heart, open your eyes. You're making a big mistake. I won't allow you to do this."

"Mom, if you do that, I kill myself; actually we both kill ourselves."

"Did he teach you this, too?"

"Mom, stop! I love him; and besides when we marry, I can get closer to his uncle, Amir, and the chance of finding Van is much greater."

In the days that followed, Gol spoke to her father and brother, Nabi, about this new wretched situation and asked their help. Their rational argument did not change Hana's adamant mind. Her strange behavior did not make sense to anyone in her family. It seemed as though she had become self destructive. Hana's whole perspective for life and respect for her family had changed overnight. When her grandfather, whom she adored, talked to her about many terrible things he had heard about Hamid's family; and almost begged her to wait or to change her mind, she tried very hard to control her extreme anger and refused to listen to grandpa's advice.

"This is a mistake. You're a very intelligent, young woman. You can do better than this, As a matter of fact Mr. D.'s cousin, who had seen you in our house, like you a lot. He's asked Nabi to send his parents for negotiation. You know he is an engineer. He has a very good job and stable family. He is also good looking and young. What do you say?"

Hana, enraged, lost the last strand of her patience in a way that if someone was witnessed their conversation, he would think that she was about to hit her grandfather.

"So, that is it! You all are planning to give me to someone you think is good for me. I hate your custom. I hate you all."

To Be Continued