Odyssey ...}}{} 35- Operation Desert Storm

When they return from the area where other soldiers and their families are visiting, they notice that some of the soldiers are already gone to the air base. There is much less crowd now. Families are not allowed in the air base area. There, it is only the military band, who are playing military marches to animate the depressed soldiers who are taking off for unknowns.

When the time comes, shortly after their return from walking, for Sam to leave them, Farhad and Sylvie hugging Sam. The three of them are crying uncontrollably. Mario is standing a little in back and waiting for his turn to say goodbye. Hana is sitting on a rock by herself. She is not crying. She does not know how she feels or thinks. She is just numb. Should someone look at her at that moment, they can not read anything in her face or her aura at all. She looks but she does not see, she listens but can not hear, she speaks but her voice is dead. When Mario finally comes ahead and whispers something in Farhad's ear, the two brothers and Sylvie open their arms and free themselves from the long, agonizing hugging and sobbing. Sam walks towards his mom. She does not move, No one knows that she can not. She just sit there and look. Sam kneels down in front of her:

"Are you okay, mom"

She, as though, is waken up from a frightening nightmare, suddenly sees and hears and speaks:

"I'm fine, sweetheart."

"Mom, please don't do this. I don't want to remember you this way. For God's sake, mom, please take a hold of you. I'm not going to death chamber, I am just going to Persian Gulf. I'll be back before you know it."

Hana finally stands up and hugs her son. There is no tears, no emotion there. She is like a piece of wood hugging her son. She is as dry as a piece of wood. Farhad comes and separates mom from Sam. Mario and Sam hug each other, a fatherly hug. Sam breaks up for him:

"Take care of my mom. I am worried for her."

"I will, Sam. Don't worry. You take care of yourself son. Be careful."

"I know; and one more thing you guys don't wait for me for your wedding. If I am not back by then, just go ahead and get married."

"I want to but I don't know about your mom; you know how she is."

"The first thing I do, when I get there, I write her a letter or call her and ask her to marry you for my sake on Valentine's day as you have planned."

~~

Back in Dallas, Hana thinks about taking a couple of weeks of vacation. Her despondent feeling frightens her of not being able to perform as usual in her new position as the supervisor in the company she works. Mario thinks that is not a good idea.

"You're better off working these days. Staying busy keeps your mind occupied from all these turmoils."

She thinks about what he says and finally agrees with him, since Farhad and Sylvie think the same way as Mario does.

The same day that Sam takes off for the Persian Gulf to participate in Operation Desert Storm, When they return home, Hana finds a contract from a publisher in her mail box. How strange! Should she get this contract in a different time, it would be the happiest moment of her life; however, things are very different now. Achieving this was not easy. Hard work and persistence have finally paid off. Mario, Farhad and Sylvie are overwhelmed by this news and they congratulate her for this very difficult accomplishment. Mario, in a very pleasant way, says:

"Can I sign your contract as a witness, Hana? You'll be a famous writer one day and I want to brag that I signed your first contract as a witness."

Of course Hana agrees. She needs two witnesses and Farhad signs as a second witness. She keeps a copy of her contract for herself and mails the original copy to the publisher the next day. According to the cover letter, the target time for her book to be published will be the Summer of 1991. Hana wishes that she knew about this one day earlier, so she could tell Sam about it! However things never go exactly the way people want them.

Every evening after work, Hana is glued to television to watch the news about Persian Gulf war. Her television is set on the twenty four hours news channel. As she hears the repeated victory of American advanced fighter planes with the allies' help, she begins to feel a little better.

"Saddam can not do a dam thing against us." She thinks. "We're powerful. We're not like Iran after Revolution, weakened and worn out." Then it comes the news of Iraqi's Nuclear Airplanes. Even though the news is hazy, it frightens her. She knows that Saddam is capable of doing such thing if he can not confront the powerful American Fighter Aircrafts.

Torn between depression and pride of her son's involvement in defending the interests of the country they all have adopted, she goes on with her normal, everyday life until three weeks later after Sam's departure. She gets a call from Sam in Dhahran. In fact, she has been contacting the agency which helps families of the soldiers to know about their loved ones everyday; and they repeatedly tell her that there is no casualties in American part.

As Sam's voice comes from the other side of the world very unclear and hazy, she indulges the pleasure of talking to her son and knowing that he is all right. However, the conversation is very short because of the sudden disconnection. She does not have the chance to rain her son with all her questions about his safety.

She refuses Mario's offer to celebrate the New Year eve in a hotel. How can she? However, Farhad, Sylvie, and Hana go to Mario's home that evening. This is the first time after Sam's departure that she is not in her own home. The entire evening she is so uncomfortable that everyone notices that. After dinner, which becomes the admiration of Farhad and Sylvie that what a good cook Mario is, Farhad finally asks his mother what bothers her. She says:

"What if Sam calls? I need to go home."

Mario does not argue. Farhad thinks that he is such a wonderful man to put up with his mom, and Sylvie regrets that they have to go since she loves Mario's back yard.

The party breaks up way before midnight; and they all decide to go to Hana's home and carry on the rest of the evening there and wait for twelve o'clock when 1991 begins.

Even though Mario and Hana's relationship grows much deeper and they become closer in many ways, their intimacy becomes less and less and slowly disappears completely. As Mario is very understanding and sensitive man, who has only one goal in this relationship, to please Hana and to give her a good life, he does not mind this new way at all. To him, intimacy is not only a man thing or a one way act, but it is a mutual understanding, love, sharing, and take and give. When Hana apologizes for her recent coldness, he hugs her gently and says:

"Listen, honey, I'm not an animal. I understand. I'll be the same way If I were you."

As Hana's life may create envy for an outsider, for this foreign woman has a son in service which is very honorable act, has another son in college and soon to be married to a very nice girl, has a supervising position in a very well known company, has a very respectable and rich fiance, who can have any woman he wants but has chosen her, has a book soon to be published, and more to come, to her, it lacks something more grandiose than anything else she has known, the present of her younger son to witness all these, and her constant worrying for Sam's safe return home.

Her concentration is so poor these days that every time she tries to write, the words scatter and disappear in her mind.

"When I try to put the words on the page,

They scatter in the wind with rage.

Only one line echoes in my head;

Inquisitive eyes, all of a sudden, and dread."

To Be Continued

Odyssey ...~}{~ 35- Operation Desert Storm

Farhad and Sylvie show up in less than an hour. It does not take a genius to know what Hana has done. Her breath still smells of alcohol. Mario has no choice but to tell Farhad the whole story. As Mario in his gentle way is telling Farhad the story of her mother, their trip, Sam's attitude about them, and then his coming to her apartment with the help of Cindy, apartment manager, Farhad weeps. He, like his mom, does not know how to handle this. He has thought since he does not live with his mother anymore, perhaps Mario and his mom spend the nights together. Now he knows that Mario does not even has the key to her apartment. While giving his key to Mario, he says:

"You don't have to tell my mom that you have the key. Just make a copy for me."

His weeping makes it difficult for him to talk. He somehow feels responsible for this misery. Had he been a good student right after high school and has not waisted so much of his mother's money and his time, maybe Sam would have never joined the military. But should if and would if and maybe, none of them right now will solve their problem. Mario gently hugs him and let him cry on his shoulder. Farhad has never had a real relation with his dead father. To him, this hug, is more important than anything that he has known; a hug, a fatherly hug from a man so dedicated to his mother.

"Why did Sam join the army, God D...?"

Mario while caressing Fahad's back and shoulder like a real father, kisses him on the forehead and makes him to sit on a chair:

"Listen, Farhad, you must calm down. Sam is an adult now. You can't do anything about it. If he leaves the military now, they will prosecute him. Hopefully everything is going to be okay. It is not only American soldiers that are going there. Many of allies soldiers are already there. Iraq has no chance. Our high tech weapons destroy their army in a second. You must think about first yourself and then your mother now."

Gentle and soft spoken Mario finally brings Farhad to a temporary clam so the visit with his mom would not be all depressing.

<>

Operation Desert Storm is to finish Operation Desert Shield by doubling American soldiers to 200,000, which last till January 15, 1991. Sam's unit is mobilized among many others, and three days after Mario and Hana's return from Fort Hood, Hana is informed of the event. They all are waiting to take off for Persian Gulf. The news brings Hana to almost another breakdown. Mario and Farhad, this time, both become her shield and because of that she behaves more reasonably, if there exists any rational conduct for a mother that her son is going to war to fight the enemy. On one hand she feels an indescribable pride of having a soldier son to fight for his country, on the other, she feels abhorrent for sending him off. The mixed emotion in her, causes her to talk to her friends at work with gratification and to Farhad, Mario, Sylvie and her family, who call her or visit her all the time, with bleakness. Her double talk makes everyone even more worried for her.

The soldiers' families are allowed to see them before they take off. This time Farhad, and Sylvie go with Hana and Mario.

In that crowded place, where all families, wives, children, and parents are spending some time with their beloved soldiers, soon to be shipped overseas, Hana watches them and feels their pain, specially the ones that are married and have children. Reporters, television cameras, and publicity by famous personalities of the television networks, makes Hana to believe the seriousness of the event. She can not stand the crowd, the flash of cameras, the reporters who are running after her to get a word from her. She wants to be alone with Sam, to hold him, to touch him, and to talk to him. There is a feeling of nonentity in the back of her mind that torments her; and as she tries to behave in a mature way, deep inside, she is breaking into pieces. When she is finally alone with Sam, she has forgotten all the things she wanted to tell him. Sam looks handsome in his fatigue uniform and acts brave. To Hana, he stands taller than before but his deep rooted anguish can not be hidden from her eyes.

Mother and son walk away from the crowd holding hands, and as she feels his agony and he endures hers, they both strive not to show any grief. Stopping after every few step to hug each other, she introspects him as a baby, a little boy, a teenager, which he still is. He is five months short of his twentieth birthday. She looks at her handsome son, with black hair, brown eyes, and tall. He is physically in an excellent shape. There is not a gram of fat in his muscular body. She wishes she can say things to him, but she can not, for words are not descriptive enough to show the empathic connection between them. Nonetheless, one thing Sam says that makes her happy.

"I like Sylvie. She is very nice. Finally Farhad has learned to do the right things in his life. When are they going to get married?"

"They are planning for next Summer."

"Mom, I want you to marry Mario whether I'm back or not. He is a good man."

"Oh, son, don't talk like that. You'll be back in no time."

"I know mom. I meant it may take longer for us to come back. There are still some American soldiers in Persian Gulf from last summer. No one knows when we come back."

"Can you tell me what is the real purpose of all these?"

"I really don't know, mom. I guess to destroy Saddam so he can't bark and threat other Arab nations."

Hana Shudders. She knows of Saddam's spitefulness.

To Be continued

Odyssey ...~~ 35- Operation Desert Storm

Mario undresses Hana and carries her to the bathroom. He tries to avoid her fall since she is not cooperative and fights him in her state of unawareness. With difficulty, he puts her in the bathtub and opens the water on her. Before the water in the pipes gets warm, its coldness pierces her skin and brings her back form unconsciousness and she screams:

"Mom, mom, please forgive me."

As Mario tries to stop her of hurting herself, he also gets wet, but he does not mind. He stands there while the warm water pours over her. He gently massages her shoulders and back. His smooth touch and care brings Hana life again; and she finally opens her eyes. As she comes back slowly to alertness, suddenly she realizes what she has done; nonetheless she does not remember the details. Details have always been boring to her, but now that she wants to focus on the details of what she has done, they escape her. She has a pounding headache so much so that even the light in the bathroom bothers her eyes and increases her headache. She puts her head between her knees.

"Oh, my head!"

"I know sweet heart. I'm going to make some coffee. Where is your Tylenol?"

"On the kitchen counter in a basket."

Mario returns with two Tylenol and a glass of water and then goes back to kitchen to make coffee. After a few minutes he returns with a cup of black coffee.

"I want milk in my coffee."

"No, just drink it black."

Mario lets her stay in the bathtub with warm water coming on her from the shower head for a long time. She begins to feel a little better after Mario dries her and and dresses her. As she lies down on the sofa, where she was drinking the night before, he starts tidying the room. Trying to remember all the things she has done last night, she finds out that she can not connect things together. There are many things, like pieces of a puzzle, missing. However, she remembers one thing very well, her nightmare, her mother's fingers and strange smile. She can not understand why her mother was not happy with her if she decided to come to her dream. Nevertheless, she thinks that how much she misses and needs her mother more than ever, specially now.

By the time Mario is done with cleaning her apartment and making chicken soup for both of them, it is almost one in the afternoon. He wakes her up and gives her two more Tylenol and asks her to eat her soup. He has a couple of toasts on the tray, too. She takes the pills.

"I can't eat. Oh, my head..."

"Come on sweet heart, just a little. I eat with you, too."

He dunks a little piece of the toast into the soup and puts it in her mouth. She likes the taste of it. She raises her head and Mario puts a few pillows under her head and sits next to her. While he is eating himself, he feds her, too. She thinks that no one has ever taken care of her this way. She is speechless. She can not even say thank you to this man who has saved her from herself and the demon that has taken over her, and taking care of her like a mother. She looks at him with a look that is more than appreciation to Mario. Her look is filled with love for this man.

Farhad calls a little later to invite himself and Sylvie for dinner. He is surprised to hear Mario's voice on the phone. He knew that his mom and Mario have gone to see his brother. When he hears Mario's voice on the phone, he thinks that either they just came back or if they came back last night, he has spent the night with his mother.

"Oh, Mario, when did you come back? How is Sam? Where is my mom?" It seems as though his questioning is an offense he is taking for Mario answering the phone.

"We came back last night. Sam is fine. There is a strong possibility that their unit will be mobilized. Your mother is sick." Mario's answers are delivered the same way as Farhad's questioning.

"What is wrong? Why is she sick?" Farhad's questions are more like a demand, as though it is Mario's fault that she is sick.

"She's very upset. I don't know..." Mario does not want to tell Farhad of his mother's drinking.

"I'm coming right now." Farhad sounds worried.

"No, Farhad, you better not. Let her rest."

Farhad is hurt. "Who is he to tell me not to go and see my mother?" he says in his speaking mind. On the other hand, he thinks that his mother must be very sick.

"Let me talk to her."

Mario goes to the living room and finds Hana asleep. He returns to the kitchen.

"She is sleeping, Farhad. She'll be okay."

"I'm coming now."

"All right, but please let's not talk about Sam in front of her."

To Be Continued

Odyssey ... 35- Operation Desert Storm

Gol tries to comfort Hana from her dreadful thoughts; nevertheless, her talking pierces Hana as though a snake has bitten her.

"Remember how upset I was when your brother was killed, and then you and your political activities broke me completely!"

"Mom, please, don't remind me those days. I'm sorry. I was stupid. I know now how you felt, I do. My Sam is going to war." Hana breaks down in front of Gol, holding her apron.

"You see, you're my child as Sam is your child; just see how upset you are. Now you see what you'd done to me!"

"Mom, please, don't make it any worse. Why don't you tell me about what I did after dad's death, why you only mention bad things...?!I need you. Let me just sleep. Let me put my head on your lap."

"Okay, I like that. I'm tired of touching dirt and insects. Let me touch you."

As Gol brings her hand out of the pocket of her apron, Hana sees her fingers are all bones with no skin over them.

"What happened to your fingers, mom?"

"Never mind my fingers. Let me caress your hair just like when you were a little girl; those days you had soft, shinny hair, now I see a lot of gray. Have you colored your hair? You know I miss you terribly."

As Gol touches Hana's hair, a repulsive sensation shivers Hana and she pulls away.

"Oh, please don't leave me. Let me be with you." Gol begs.

"You're dead. You're dead for a long time, mom. I want your spirit not your dead body."

Finally Gol fades away. Hana uses her last strength to write a poem about missing home, father, mother, grandpa, Behroz, and ...

"Me, being far from home like a bird apart;

I'm forgotten in eyes, like life dies in heart.

Me, being heavy hearted of thoughts with closed lips;

Night sings to me of its mysteries, I sing of my grips.

Sitting in cold, but hot I am with grief.

Trying to connect the gone days without relief.

I close my eyes to see the only remaining wave,

Next to the roaring, sad ocean, I crave,

To be on the other side of the big sea;

If I was at home, If I was free."

She rolls on the sofa, wet of horror and ignores the ringing of the phone. As it rings over and over again, she reluctantly gets up. A terrible headache makes her to sit back and and suddenly everywhere goes dark in her eyes and she becomes unconscious.

Mario curses himself for not staying with Hana last night. His greatest fear is if she has hurt herself and has thought of even doing something unthinkable. For the last three hours he has called her with no respond. In the verge of complete despair, he gets into his car and drives to her home. As he stands there ringing the bell and knocking the door for a long time, terrible thoughts pass his mind. "Her car hasn't moved. It is Saturday and she doesn't work. Where is she?" Despondently he goes to the apartment office and explains the situation to the woman behind the desk, happens to be the manager, and asks her for a key to go inside. After arguing for awhile, the woman says:

"If she is your fiance, how come you don't have the key to her place?"

Mario is so outrageous that he forcefully control himself to stay calm:

"It is complicated." That is the only thing he says to the woman's derogatory comment. They argue a little more. Mario thinks about calling Farhad, since he knows Farhad has the Key, but he changes his mind. He is not sure what he will face when he gets in. He does not want to upset Farhad.

Finally the woman agrees to go with him inside the apartment, but she also wants to call the police.

"Please lady, let's go in and see what is going on first before you call the police."

The heartless apartment manager finally goes with him and opens the door.

In Hana's untidy apartment Mario and Cindy, The apartment Manager, find Hana unconscious on the floor. The empty bottle, full ashtray, the notebook on the coffee table, and the crumbled papers all over the place are the evidences of what have happened in her place. Cindy insists on calling the ambulance but Mario says that is not necessary and he can take care of her.

"I didn't know that she drinks!" Cindy says.

"She doesn't. Her son is going to Persian Gulf. She is very upset."

"I must call an ambulance." Cindy says.

"No, please don't. I can take care of her. I know what to do. She already is going through a lot. We don't want to embarrass her by she waking up in hospital because of drinking." Mario's sharp, yet polite voice finally makes Cindy to agree and she leaves the apartment.

To Be Continued