"JUDAS KISS" - One- Lucky Helen ✔

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Helen was just back from Chicago, her birthplace, where she had lived up to age sixteen. She had gone there to bury her mother. She saw her sister, Charlotte, there after all these years. She looked so different, so worn out, so overweight, so old... She was her younger sister, yet everyone said to her in the funeral that she looked younger than Charlotte.

Her mother's death was sudden. She had not said anything to her children abut being sick. Perhaps the shame of her being witness to most barbaric and beastly act by her husband to their daughters and not doing anything, nothing at all about it, and not confessing to her daughters when they begged her to admit that she knew about it, so she could give them some peace, was the reason for her to die alone, to hide her sickness. Who knew what she thought before her death!

Now she was dead! No one could bring her back, neither Helen nor Charlotte and to demand an answer from her! "Why mother, Why didn't you protect us? Why didn't you take us away from him and leave?!!"

Her death took place in an obscure grayness! She had no one around, nothing to lean on, no family; she had no brouhaha, no commotion; she had no dignity, no longing for enchantment; she had no fear of death in the morbid ambiance and unlovely hesitation; she had no belief in her own right; therefore no credence in the right of her children! That was her concluding judgment before her death that life was more prominent charade than death; and what most of us thought to be!

This trip was the final chapter of a life long disappointment for Helen. She was sure that her sister, Charlotte's feeling even worse than her. Her life was a big disaster, four marriages, five children, all from different husbands. changing jobs every few months, and now being single, helpless, jobless, and hopeless! Charlotte for some odd reason blamed Helen for many of her misfortune. She had never tried to confront father and mother the way that Helen had done. Perhaps she still thought that what happened to her was normal and Helen was the one who ruined her relationship with their father! What ever it might have been, It was a pure puzzlement to Helen that her sister, a sixty three years old woman would be so bitter even now that both their parents were gone! Why the coldness towards her? They were the only two left from their family except their children, who even did not give a damn about anything. Father had died five years prior to the death of the mother. Helen did go to his funeral; Charlotte Did not. In the late evening after burial and after every one was gone, when everyone was gone, Helen changed her mind of spending the night. She called her travel agency, ended up to pay some more money, and left that night instead of the next morning. Her mother had treated her poorly all day, so much so that even their families and friends had noticed it.

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS" - One- Lucky Helen

Helen loved the nine o'clock news of this conservative cable channel; one hour of news and debate. The election for the presidency was to be in 2012, but it seemed as though it was happening in a few weeks. The division between the parties was so deep and so nasty, that she had decided a long time ago she would not discuss two issues with friends or coworkers, one was politics, and the other was religion. The woman who ran the show, was a lawyer. It seemed to her that lawyers were taking over everything. This woman used to be very liberal, but since the country had gone through so much debt and so many people have lost their jobs and homes because of the presidency of this very liberal man, almost to the point of socialism, her point of view had changed dramatically. She was not a beautiful woman, or sexy like the other women in this cable channel, but she was very knowledgeable and a very good debater. She never allowed her guests in her program, which were mostly politician to adhere to their talking points. Like a good lawyer that she was, she had made her program like a court room. No one could escape her line of questioning.

Helen never missed this program, no matter how tired she was. She got most of her sleep in the evening after dinner, when she had planned to watch a movie. Like an alarm clock that was going, she always woke up before nine, often missed the movie, so she could watch this program.

This summer was a season that she did not recall since she had moved from Chicago to Dallas. She had never felt this hot. They had over 100 degrees Fahrenheit more than forty days with no rain. She told one of her coworkers they day before:

"What an atrocious summer we have this year!"

It was not only Dallas or Texas in whole that suffering heat and drought, it was everywhere, even places that they had never seen this kind of weather. Meteorologists had no answer for this long wave of heat and drought, but most of them saying that it had nothing to do with global warming, as liberals wanted people to believe. The best answer she had heard that the weather was like a cycle that every so often would turn like this or even the opposite. The meteorologist had said last night that this pattern of heat and drought for Texas would continue for a foreseeable future.

She was not hearing the sound of percolating of coffee anymore. "Coffee is ready!" she told herself. She got up reluctantly to get herself a cup of coffee. Again Miss daisy following her; but Tony did not move. She returned with her coffee and another cigarette; again Miss Daisy by her feet. Sometimes she felt that she was going to step on her little dog. She picked up a book, but immediately put it down. There was so much going on at work; there was so much going on in her life. Her mind was like a map full of mountains, rivers, jungles, and... Her life had been a big plight and disarray, a huge mishap everywhere in the map, a long shambles along the way, everywhere, all the time, from the beginning to now! Now at her age, somewhat peace was knocking the door, it was behind the curtains, it was calling her gently! But what would she do about Chris?

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To Be Continued

JUDAS KISS- ONE- Lucky HELEN

The early morning silence broke by a loud bang which was heard

throughout the small, one bedroom apartment. Helen, startled, jumped down the high bed. That was one luxury she indulge herself with these days; having this new mattress that was supposed to be good and soothing for someone like her with back and neck problem. The dog began barking. One wondered how a small dog like Miss Daisy could have such a loud bark; and a big cat like Tony could be so quiet and aloof. Helen called Tony ghost, because she never knew where he was, and he always snuck on her!

Without putting her robe on, she began walking through the apartment. As she left the bedroom, she began putting the light switches on. Now the whole apartment was engulfed in light. Nothing seemed put of place. The entrance door was closed; the metal stick that she always put under the lock of the front door was in place. She had seen it in an advertisement on television for securing the house and had bought it. The windows seemed untouched. She thought loud: "What was the sound?" She went to the kitchen, last place, away from bedroom to search; Miss Daisy following her, Tony hiding somewhere. The little fluorescent lamp she had installed it herself at the top of the kitchen sink had fallen into the sink and over the dirty dishes from the night before.

"Come on kiddos, no big deal!" she said that loud to her dog and cat which she knew was around but was not showing himself. She put back the lamp and tried to match the holes with the two nails. She looked at the microwave clock, it was 2.20 in the morning.

As she was walking back to the bedroom, a hesitation came over her in the living room. "I know I can't fall asleep anymore! I never can..." She walked back to the kitchen, Miss Daisy right by her feet, so much so that she almost stepped on her. She made some coffee, lit a cigarette and returned to the living room. She sat on the one sofa that she had; not that she could not buy another one, but the living room was so small that any more furniture would make it look so crowded. She waited for coffee to stop percolating. Miss daisy jumped on and sat next to her, Very soon, the dog was sleep and even snoring. She was a little Shi T Zue , black and white. Her back had three heart shape patterns. They were black color with a few white here and there. Her long ears were mostly black with a few streaks of white; one ear had more black in it than the other. She was a beautiful dog with impressive, big, and black eyes, as if they were speaking to you. Helen got her only a year and half ago from a breeder. The love between them was instantaneous. Miss daisy was kind and loving. Her knowledge of vocabulary was improving everyday, but not yet to its full potential. She almost understood every word Helen told her.

They always went to bed together at the exact same time; but bed being so high, she had to pick Miss daisy up and put her there. If she did not do it, Miss daisy would bark her head off.

Tony never went to bed with them; but she knew precisely when he joined them. He was a Siamese cat, a beautiful white cat with orange color nose, ears and tail. A friend has given him to Helen from a six litters she had had. When Helen took him to the vet for the first time, they put down his color in the computer, "Flame".

Miss Daisy always fell asleep right away. She even snored. Tony was Tony, aloof, and noncommittal. He stayed at the foot of bed so she could not reach him or touch him. But what mattered the most was Helen's own sleep. She was not sure if she ever slept. She tossed and turned, put the light on, read some, had some water which she always brought with her to bed in a red plastic cup.

She got her sleep mostly in the evening, when she was done with the work of the day. She put her night gown and robe on and lay on the couch. She put a movie on for seven o'clock. She had cable; therefore, took her time to pick the movie. She used the guide on the remote control and looked at all the available movies. She paid attention to their rating. Yes, she always picked the rated R movies! They were mostly repeat, even on the premium Chanel. Sometimes she would end up to pick something in WE, the women's Chanel; but they also were repeat. This chanel's movies had always bad plot and bad acting. It did not matter though, almost every evening she fell asleep and woke up about ten minutes before the end of it, while she was still in the world of half sleep and half wakefulness. Everything seemed hazy, unclear, and unfathomable. She regretted that she had missed another movie. When she was completely awake, it was the news time; as though she knew unconsciously that she did not care for the movie and she wanted to watch the news.

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS" Introduction

Coming very soon!!!!!!!!!

A novel about heroism, duplicity, war, peace, heaven, hell, hereafter,

and beyond...

This novel is not a two cultured novel like most of my other books; but it is all an American novel! It will capture your heart right away! In the country we live, there are some unlucky ones, who face poverty, dishonesty, stealing,

divorce, unfaithfulness! Children who are abused everyday by strangers or someone close in family, parents who close their eyes to the abused ( their children ) and abusers.

Everything that you take from this book is the mental labor of love which has taken me many months to write!

Won't you join me by reading this novel, when I begin posting a few pages everyday in a few days; and encouraging me to write the end of it?

Please join...

MORE TO COME ✍ ✍ FURY

I have had so many names for this poems. However I decided to choose "FURY" for the sake of having a title. You can call it, "TRUST, GRACEFUL, HEAVEN, VANISHED, JOURNEY..."! I wrote it on 7- 27- 2000. It is a published Poem!

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"Along the blue indigo of sky

Gone

Memories of yesterday!

Into the rage of a bird in fly

Vanished

The animal roar of dismay;

What is called dread!

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The heaven, the moon, the sun

Gone!

Stories, myths, odes, embraces,

Which were sometimes overdone,

Vanished!

Aging, absences,

What is called Fury!

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In the company of old,

Graceful

was the proper adjective for pride!

Directness swept horizon of gold,

with loveliness.

The incoherency of speech satisfied

Even the common!

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Unmovable forces began

Trust!

With wrench and pang,

The inevitable journey began

Realization!

The seductive sea of freedom sang

Of trust!"

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MORE TO COME ✍ ✍ To My Mother

I have written so many things for my mother or because of her, or remembering her, or loving her. This is one of them. I called it, "She Soared". I wrote it a long time ago, but it is still fresh in my mind. To be exact I wrote it on 11-24- 98, in the middle of the night, when sleep escaped me as usual; like all the other times that I write in my insomniac nights.

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Among the obscure gloom,

You called me back to your womb.

It was silence, and the breeze

Moved the trees with such an ease!

I saw in the dull sky,

One star was passing by;

One star was burning;

And one star was returning!

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I called you!

I called you!

All my life,

Like a sharp knife,

was in my vision with strife.

Moon's white stare

Reflected light to the window from air!

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There, all night

Inside my heart, with fright,

From hopelessness, someone with rage,

Breathes heavily among the foliage.

Some one would call!

Some one would want me all!

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There, all night

From branches so black at site

Sadness and obscurity would fall;

A hopeless someone would crawl!

It is me that she would call!

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Mom says: ' my little Ellie

Soared with the wind to be free.

A wind that took her away.

A wind that made my sky gray'."

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MORE TO COME ✍ ✍ The Blue Veins of my hand

Have you ever overworked so much that when you look at the back of your hands, you see the veins have swollen and they are blue color and

they look like snake? Oh, what a long sentence! But this was the life of this immigrant that left everything behind to save her children. I actually looked at my hand one day and saw my blue veins are swollen and they seemed like snake with no beginning or end! I captured this feeling on 5- 17- 99 in the poem named "THE BLUE VEINS OF MY HAND".

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Time is moving away.

Clock is ticking with dismay.

Summer is coming with a sigh;

It doesn't know that I try

To know its deep secret!

I also know the words spoken by sunset.

I even have travelled the world;

The clock is ticking in cold.

I am beginning to understand the earth!

I now understand that leaving does hurt.

It is windy outside;

A flower plays the role of a bride!

It's the season of their love making;

Their scattered seeds are waking;

And I look at the blue veins of my hand!

Those snakes that crawl into my body's land.

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In front, is a hot season!

How can I tell a man with reason;

Who is patiently and deliberately walking;

That to stop living, to stop talking?

How can I tell him that he is not alive!

Because he's been forgotten and didn't arrive!

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It's windy outside!

The end of beginning is at side!

The day I saw the blue veins of my hand as snake;

was the beginning of my everlasting ache.

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It is the beginning of a season with heat.

And I am very cold to compete;

And I feel the cold from head to feet!

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I must say to everyone, "good day"!

When the clock is ticking with dismay.

And the blue veins of my hand

Look like snakes inside my body's land!

I must, must say hello

To the fruits that were never mellow;

To the flowers that couldn't make love;

The man who put others above;

And to the man who were never alive;

And to myself with blue veins which drive

Me to madness thinking

My blood, dead snakes are drinking!!!

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