UNFULFILLED-Five-@@@ The Wedding

"It's hot, hot, I'm burning up." Neda kept complaining.

"It'll be soon over." Maryam said as though Neda was going for a surgery or she was sick and they were expecting the doctor to come and give her medicine. "It'll be all over soon!"

When she had fainted, without paying attention to her mother's entreaty, Neda took her gown out after she came back to consciousness . That wedding gown was heavy, itchy, it was not her style. Maryam helped her to put on her so many kilogram of fabric which called wedding dress and attached the train of the dress and then the headpiece on her hair. Neda begged Maryam to make her hair less puffy, which Maryam did. The guest were all over the house. She had not seen Mansour all day. A thought suddenly flashed in her mind: "What if he doesn't show up!?" She share that thought with her cousin.

"He is already here."Maryam responded with a twitch in her eyes. For some strange reason, Neda was hoping for a different answer.

Neda was taken to a room on the first floor, the formal living room. All the furniture had been removed. In the center of the room, they had set the customary stole, rug, mirror, and the rest of decoration that went with them. For ceremony only women were allowed in the room. She sat on the stole among the decoration. Maryam, who was her only girl cousin and her only bridesmaid, covered her face with veil. She could see herself through the mirror in the big, decorative mirror which was leaned on the wall. She almost did not recognize herself. Some women in the family were holding the white muslin over her head and rubbing the two heads of sugar cubes together. The women who were doing this could not be divorced or widowed; unmarried women were okay.

The odor mixed with perfume and makeup of women in the room was making Neda to nauseate. She was about to faint again. She needed air. She kept saying to herself: "Hang in there; it'll be over soon, just a little more. I just wish they took the children out of this room!"

The Mullah was sitting behind the door in the hall way. All men were in the hall way; however some of them were in the yard. Mansour and her father were standing next to the Mullah. They were not allowed inside until the end of ceremony.

"Hurry up, hurry up!" Neda kept saying to herself. Suddenly The Mullah began the ceremony. All other sounds died out. Now it was complete silence. He read some verses of Koran. Neda was told and also rehearsed that when Mullah would ask her: "Would you accept this man as your husband, and be obedient and dutiful...", she should not answer right away. The custom was that the Mullah should say the marriage wow three time and after the third time, the bride would say yes.

Neda felt like answering right away and get it over with. However she did not want to cause a commotion. When The Mullah recited the marriage wow which sounded to her more like becoming slave to one's husband for the third time, she was thinking about unfairness of the wow that women had to take; and she missed saying yes. An uproar began. Her cousin, Maryam whispered something in her ears. She opened her eyes and with a stifled voice said: "Yes!" All women in the room began screaming. Children were making noises. Everybody were clapping. It was finally over. Her father was the first to enter the room. After raising her veil and kissing her, he put the big book of marriage that he was carrying with himself on her knees and showed her the places that she should sign. She noticed that Mansour had already signed his parts. Her father also had signed both as a witness and as a guardian of the teenage girl. Now she was a married woman. She looked at her father, while he was putting a ruby neck-lace around her neck and whispered in his ear: "Why dad, why?" Jalal got up and allowed Mansour to take his place. Mansour came inside. They brought another stole and he sat next to Neda. Maryam standing in her back took the extra veil out, the one that she had used as blush to cover her face. She arranged the rest of the veil and her hair. Now it was time for congratulations and kisses and hugs. She almost went numb by all of them. Then her mother gave her the ruby earrings, ring, and bracelet which was a complete set with the neck-lace that her father had given her earlier. This was a surprise to Neda. They were able to keep it hidden from her. They new that Neda liked ruby more than diamond. Neda thought of this one thing that they did right. She knew about them, but they have hidden from her what kind. Mansour's family did not give her anything. She heard some women were talking about it.

At the reception, she felt better. At least she was not confined to one place. Now she was able to mingle and eat. Her wedding gown had a detachable train which Maryam removed it in Neda's room. She also removed the long veil, and left the short one. She freshened her makeup, too.

Now she was able to sit in the garden where there was breeze, birds and trees. Yes, she was a married woman now. There was no way back. As she thought about being married, a shocking fear shook her to the deepest core of her body. She had to go to her apartment that night, her own home. She liked the sound of "my home"; but that was the only thing she liked about the whole ordeal. She had to sleep with Mansour! Then she thought about her room here, in her parents' home! How could she give up her beautiful room she had slept in all her life; had written her first poem, had studied? Was her responsibility now was, as the Mullah said to be obedient and dutiful; to cook and clean like her mother? Would she be now a housewife? How come she had not thought about all these before? She did not know how to cook, how to clean, and how to be a housewife! She did not know how the first night would be like! No one, not even her mother, had told her anything about it! The fear was so great that none of that day's misery and confinements were equal to it. "What have I done!?"

To Be Continued

UNFULFILLED- Five- ^*^* The Wedding

It was Neda's first time to be in the beauty salon. She was certain in would be her last. They had come there at eight in the morning, now it was two in the afternoon and they were not finished yet. To her everything so far was torture. It was pang to sit still and let the Wig Woman with painted face to touch her face and her hair; it was agony to listen to her jokes and unwarranted comment, and it was misery to be hungry and thirsty at the top of everything.

While sitting on the chair with her head inside the hood or what ever it was so her hair would dry out with rollers on it, the woman began working on her nails.

"Why didn't you let your nail grow long? Do you chew your nail?

Neda had hard time to hear her since her ears being inside the hood. So she raised the thing. The Wig Woman was losing her patience with her. She repeated her question. Oh, how much she hated that woman! There was another beautician, seemed much nicer, who was now doing Maryam's hair. Her aunt Zari was almost down. Her mother called a few times. She said that it was getting too late. Neda cried and complained that she was hungry. Finally at three o'clock a car sent for them. Neda was dizzy, hungry, and angry. She hated her big hair. The Wig Woman had her hair half up and half down. Her hair looked like rolls and rolls of hair up and some down to her waist. Her face was itchy and she felt this burning sensation on her face. She hated her painted, artificial nails. She remembered the Wig Woman complained about her nail:

"I have no choice. You have no nails. I got to put these fake ones on your nails."

She attached the headpiece to her hair, at the top of the mountain. She finished her make up which under no circumstances she would do any less. At the end, Neda thought that she looked like the Wig Woman. Maryama helped her to put her gown on.

Neda was still agonizing of physical pain of removing her facial hair. They were already some red bumps appearing in her face. When they were finally home, she asked for food. Her mother said:

"No, you're going to mess up your makeup!"

"I'm starved, mom. I am going to faint."

After arguing for a while and Neda threatening to go and wash out all those paints, she told her mother:'

"Mom, what is more important, my makeup or me being hungry?"

Mehri finally allowed her to eat. Neda took a bite and felt like throwing out. She still was smelling the Wig woman's perfume mixed with her sweat all around her. She was not able to swallow the food. She felt hot, cold, nervous, and itchy. She wanted to be left alone even if it was for a little while. But no, no, she could not. The house was filled with people. Everybody wanted to see her. They all had an opinion. They all were touching her. Someone pushed the top of her hair down. She heard:

"Too big!"

Neda could not stand it anymore. She could not tolerate all these women, children, all the noises, her makeup, her big hair, the itch on her face...

When she came out to awareness, her mother was crying; but Neda later would find out that her mother's tears were not for her fainting but it was for her hair and makeup being all messed up. Maryam, her cousin, who was going to beauty school and working at the same time, managed to fix her up again.

To Be Continued