"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- Bye ✐ ✐

The last thing that Helen did before running away from home, was to tell her parents and Charlotte at dinner table:

"It this continues with Charlotte, I'll call the police. I am not going to sleep in my room any more.

I'll be here in the living room on the coach, close to door. If he comes after me, I run outside shouting for help!"

Charlotte began screaming. She ran out of the kitchen. Mom and dad did not know that Helen was leaving them next morning; nevertheless they both said they did not know what she was talking about:

"Stop making up stories! Why don't you become a writer, since you're so good at creating untrue stories?" Mother said with bitter smile, standing up, with both her hands at her waist; a scene that Helen would never forget!

Helen had just turned sixteen , just about a few months ago. She witnessed her friends' normal lives, their happiness, their sorrow. They always asked her why she did not have a boyfriend. She did not know she could. Father told her once that now that she was growing:

"Let's pretend we are boy friend, girlfriend!!"

Her friends' displeasure and sadness were even normal. It should had been that way for her, too. She knew they had boyfriend about their own ages; she knew they go out for a walk, sometimes a movie, sometimes for ice creme. They would talk about the one kiss they had. The kiss had pleasure, had wonderment. Helen had already done all these and beyond not with a boyfriend but with her daddy. She had thought that she was daddy's special girl all these years, right under her mother's supervision and she had done nothing. At this point she had so much hatred for them that she could kill them both, nevertheless, she would never betray them. Sara said:

"How come you kill them but not call the police?'" Helen thought deep and long before answered:

If I kill them, I just relieve them of their sadistic, sick mind, if I call the police, then they're going to defend themselves, Charlotte won't cooperate, and they are going to drag me into the mud to save them; They are going to tell everyone that I'm delusional!!"

These days she smoked. She never had the money to buy her own cigarette, but she stole her parents' cigarettes. They had made her an adult in a hurry. Her dad chewed tobacco at work and smoked cigarette at home; so she always took form theirs. They blamed each other: " I swear I opened this pack this morning, look at it! it is all empty." They would say to each other. Smoking gave her a feel of adulthood. She did it in front of her friends. A lot of girls and boys her age smoked those days anyway.

She remembered the first time that daddy had involved Charlotte in their special thing. It was her tenth birthday! She was angry then! She was in fact was outrageous then!

"I thought I am your special child, daddy!" He answered: "Yes, darling, you're always my special one, but Charlotte is my second special child!" How sick! He raped them both that night for the first time. She said that it hurt; Charlotte said that it hurt. Daddy answered both of them: "You get used to it! It won't hurt when we do it again!"

Helen had hidden a small bag of clothing, mostly a few sweater under her bed. She did not want Charlotte to know she was running away. Her plan was to do it in the middle of the night when everybody was asleep.

Like every girl her age at school, now she had a boyfriend, too. His life was a complete chaos like hers, too. They had bought two bus tickets. They did not know their destination. When Jacob went to buy the ticket the day before he had said:

I want two tickets for early in the morning, I can pay only twenty dollars. There was a long line there for buying tickets, The clerk passed two tickets through the little opening window and got his twenty dollars. The bus was leaving at four in the morning, to where, they did not know. They had no money, no help, no prospect for future, far or close. It was early spring. The weather was still cold in Chicago. She left home at two in the morning with her little black bag. She had stuffed into it a few sweaters. She had no over coat.

She calmly went down the stairs. She could swear that her mother saw her. She was in the kitchen, drinking something and smoking a cigarette. She was crying.

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- Bye ✍ ✍

Helen had not yet listened to her heart beats, but when she did, she felt that it was heaving violently.

"Oh, dad,

I promise that I never say another word to anyone. I promise!"

Father punished her that night by not giving her love and just to be with Charlotte. So her sister had all the fatherly love by herself. She had no more tears to shed. They were all dried out. She went to school the next morning hungry, early, and thoughtful.

In the next three years father and Helen had ups and downs. Without saying a word to her, she was always the sick man's favorite! So he never stopped their special love, but he made her to beg for it!

Charlotte was always needy, so needy for love from father; even though dad always caused so much physical pain for her; but she went along, never complained, and never said a word to anyone. It came a time that dad made her to take birth control pills, too!

In the three years before Helen's sixteen birthday, her relationship with dad turned sour a little more everyday. One day she talked to mother about all these! this was the first time she was discussing it with her mom. She told mom everything that dad did to her and Charlotte. Mom listened, never interrupted her daughter; let her go on with her story; her detailed description of everything that had done and for how long! She went on and on. Helen wanted mother to say something, to show some emotion or sympathy, but no, she said nothing!

"Mom, you've seen it yourself. I know you have many times! Please tell me something! I am so confused. You're acting as if it is okay what dad is doing to us; but my friends tell me that it isn't okay, that my dad is a sick man, that he's a criminal. They say that you're sick, too, that you don't take us away from him! Please mom, which one is right? Why are you so silent about this? I know that you know!"

Elizabeth sat on the chair in the kitchen and looked at her daughter with a strange grimace on her face. Helen could not read any impression on her mother's face. Finally she said:

"You two, one day are going to ruin my life. I have no place to go! I have no job, no education! If I do anything, he divorces me! What do I do then?"

"Mom, do you mean to tell me that what dad does to us is not okay?"

"Of course it's not okay!"

"So why aren't you doing something about it? How could you mom?"

" I told you, I have no choice; and if you go around and tell people about it, I say that you're lying, that you're making up all of it, do you understand?"

Eight years of thinking that dad loved her in this sadistic way, and mom knew that he molested his children and went along with it...!

She was sick to her stomach. Her friends were right! Her dad had abused her and her sister and her mom did not do a thing to save them! Mom had watched her daughters being molested by someone that supposed to protect them. These discoveries were too extreme to be called victimized or victim hood! They were uproar and ominous which the atrocities brunt of nights and morning of eight years brought everlasting revulsion and horror to her. How strange that all these times, she had been joyful?! Now that she finally recognized that the sick, great happiness and bliss of the last eight years was not elation, she could only perceive morbid act that had done to her for so long by both her father and mother would never go away; she would never recover, unless she could find some kind of power to make it to go away...!!!

To Be Continued

"JUDAS KISS"- TWO- Good- bye ✺

This post is not for children and may be offensive to some!!!!!!!!

Father held his head up and muttered: "You're small and pale!"

He touched Helen's face with his rough and coarse hand. The construction work had made his hand crude and chapped. Helen felt something inside her burning and cutting her heart in to pieces! When she felt that he had removed his hand from her face and touching her in places that her mother told her many times, "Never allow a stranger to touch you there!" But father was not a stranger! Her body began to twitch; but her mother had never told her that fathers were not allowed to touch their daughters in those areas. She knew that her sister, who shared the room with her, was awake. Charlotte told her that she knew all about it. There was envy in her voice as if she was saying: "Why you, not me?"

Father moved his hand up and down her little body. She liked everything he did to her except the kissing. Her father's breath smelled of tobacco. It was a harsh and nasty odor. She told him once: " Dad don't kiss me. I don't like it."

"Come on, honey! you're my special child. You know that, don't you? Don't be like your mother? It all begins with kissing!"

So Helen learned that she was not the only one dad kissed; that her mother did not like it either!

"But dad, your mouth smells! I don't like it!"

"Don't think about it. Think about the privilege you have that your father loves you so much!"

So she tried to convince herself that kissing was part of father's love for her. She agonized over the sharp and pungent odor of tobacco, yet she tried to think about the special love her dad had for her.

The real intimacy did not happen until she was ten years old. Her father had begun to come to her bed when she was eight years old. He always satisfied himself by different means! The day she turned ten, her mother backed a birthday cake for her and invited some families and friends. This year party was better than years past. Charlotte was very envious. Her crying and acting up all that day proved to mother that she was just a little eight years, jealous girl, who envied her older sister so much. She promised her that when she turned ten, she would get a birthday party even better the one for Helen.

That night, Helen waited for dad to come to her bed. After all she had turned ten. He came a little later than usual; after taking his clothes off, he threw himself on the bed, next to her and said:

"Your mom wanted me. Everyone wants me; but I want you! Isn't that an honor for you?"

"Yes, dad!" Helen's voice was soft and shaky. She added: "Do you do these things with mama, too?"

"Sometimes! I have to. If I don't, then she might not let me come to you!" He kissed her deep and long in her mouth. Then continued:

"Because today was your tenth birthday, we're going to do something very special tonight!" Helen wanted to know what "very special" was. Charlotte, on her bed, was listening. Her being upset all day, carried itself all the way to bed. She began crying silently and thought to herself: "Why always Helen not me!"

Dad lay down next to Helen and began kissing her. She had forgotten about the pungent odor of the chewing tobacco which she had always complained about it. She recopicated and kissed her dad back. It was a delight! that was dad's description of being with her. He touched her and asked her to touch him; so she did. All of the sudden the room lighted up. He sat up, but the light went off at once. Both Helen and dad saw it was mother, who had turned the light on and off and was leaving the room.

"Was that mom?" Helen asked.

"Who cares my love. She won't do anything. " He continued his kissing and touching. Slowly he began undressing his daughter.

"Dad, you never did this! I don't like it!"

"Oh, sweet heart, you will, you will... I bet Charlotte is so jealous now. I know she is awake now. Let's ask her. If you don't like it, I can go to her!"

"No, no, dad, it's okay!" But dad called Charlotte anyway:

"Do you want to come here? Have fun and loving with us?"

That night the two sisters slept with their father. They competed in pleasing him. They did everything he asked them to do. To them, this was love, love of a father to his children. Being special, he made them to kiss him and to kiss each other. He had both of them that night. They both cried of pain. It hurt them a lot. Their mother listened to the whole thing behind the door, and did nothing!!!!

✔

To Be Continued